Day 49 - Learning about yourself

So according to Facebook, 5 years (and one day) ago Natalie and I completed the Chase the Yeti OCR event. Thinking back over those five years has opened up some interesting thoughts about how sometimes we need to reflect on where we were, in order to understand where we would like to be.

Natalie will tell you that it was an awful experience, honestly - and I have absolutely no qualms about taking full responsibility for that and apologising completely (I hope I've already done it directly but maybe not). I completely ruined that event by complaining the whole way round, about everything. I then sprinted to the finish to "win". Every single thing about that previous statement can rightly be classed as a dick move. Looking back I cringe at my behaviour, but even more for the reason behind it.

I let my ego and arrogance completely overtake me. Rick and I had been doing a few of these runs for a while by this point but he was getting better and I wasn't. I had stopped enjoying them because I hated losing, and I hated that I wasn't improving. Of course my arrogance at the time refused to allow me to accept that maybe it was because he was putting a shit load more work in than I was! I was frustrated and, instead of doing something about it, I just grumbled. In my arrogance I just assumed I would be able to do this because, well why wouldn't I?

Another part of it was that I didn't want to show this new girl that I was rubbish at something. Egotistical fucking asshole. 

What I should have been doing is what I am doing now - working harder to improve whilst removing ego from the equation. Instead of trying not to disappoint Natalie (and myself) I should have been taking the positives and working out how to make myself better each time. Accept your limitations, but don't let them define you, and work on making the most of them. Be humble, gracious and work hard. For some reason when I read those words back I hear them in my mum's voice, and that tells you just how good advice it is!

Fast forward 5 years. 

I stood on the line today with zero negative thoughts, zero ego and (OK maybe not completely) zero arrogance - certainly about the run. I knew what was coming and I embraced what it would tell me about myself, instead of fearing it. The difference was astonishing. I know full well I'm near the back of the field, and my time today would embarrass anyone who considers themselves a runner. 

I could not care less. I put everything I had into today, and trusted that the end product is simply what it is. No target other than complete the task. No losing mental battles. Yeah physically I struggled, despite my recent weight loss I'm still an overweight 39 year old with a chronic lack of fitness and a dodgy body. 

But it doesn't matter. I put myself out there, I put my ego and arrogance away and just enjoyed today for what it was. It was a challenge, and part of the trick of challenges is picking the right goals - the right definition of success. 

34 year old me was an arrogant, egotistical, petty child at times. Interested in the wrong things, targeting the wrong "successes" and trying to be someone I'm not, nor would I ever truly want to be. It cost me a lot, and it deserved too.

But 39 year old me is (I hope) a better human being. The one I wanted to be when I was 18, the one with all the dreams for the future and the whole world ahead of me. The one with a sense of pride, but in the right things. The one I hope Katie is proud of, and the one I hope (some of you at least!) are happy to call a friend. It's a long journey back to me, and I'm still on the road. But as long as I focus on the right things, I'll get there.

Post Race Party

No surprises that today's charity is the amazing Christie Trust. I cannot repeat enough what they have done for my family over the years, and how they still inspire me on a daily basis. The world is a better place because of them, a shining beacon in the darkest, most frightening of places. They don't have all the answers, but anything you can give (here - please either donate direct or use Lil/Dad/Ann's Snowdon Event) gets us closer

For you mum, always.

Till tomorrow, Tom

Day 48 - Rodeo Eve

Houston Rodeo kicks off (kind of) tomorrow with the Rodeo Run. I'm doing the 10km, cos I found the 5km so "easy" last year lol. Anyway 0930 tomorrow morning I'll be on the start line ready for 2020 Challenge Event #2. The Rodeo and Livestock show has been going in some form or another since 1931 - so closing in on 90 years!

Howdy Partners

It is a spectacular event, with 20 days of livestock shows, rodeo events and a massive celebration of the Texas life-style. Over the last few weeks people have been heading to Houston on horseback via "trial rides" and the big parade is tomorrow. There is a cook-off, the Rodeo run itself and a whole loaf of pre-events before the main event kicks off on the 3rd. 

I'm staying at the very fancy Hyatt Regency right in Downtown Houston and I knew I should've bought a hat. There are literally hundreds of cowboys and cowgirls downstairs - and I'll definitely be joining them tomorrow. Tonight though I need to get my beauty sleep and to prepare for the run in the morning. 

The whole Rodeo thing is a huge part of Houstonian life though and something everyone should get to experience at least once. I was lucky enough to be around last year, and the timings have fallen neatly too for this year. I've got the next week in Houston and then I'll be back for the last weekend too. 

And the Rodeo itself does a massive amount for local charity, donating over $8m in local scholarships last year alone (here)! So today's charity of choice is going to be the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo. A Houston institution and a phenomenal supporter of the local communities which help to sustain it. 

Till tomorrow y'all, Tom

Day 47 - One of those days

I've been trying to send a package back to Katie for about 3 weeks now :-( And no matter how hard I try I can't get anywhere with it. FedEx are trying to charge me $300 but every time I get close to the end the website crashes. DHL and UPS are just as bad. I think I may have gotten somewhere with USPS but all I currently have is a label and a customs declaration - I'll let you know how that goes tomorrow.

Speaking of tomorrow I'm heading back over to Houston. 2020 Challenge #2 is on Saturday, the Houston Rodeo Run 10km. I did the 5km last year and I'm looking forward to stepping up and seeing how I get on with the longer version this time. I did pretty well a few weeks ago and I've been keeping up with my exercise routine so fingers crossed for this one. As always I'll be raising money for The Christie - keep an eye out tomorrow for the details once I have set the event up. 

And speaking of charity, it is Day 2 of my 40 days of Charity. Quick update from yesterday from Jo (co-founder of Friends of Serenity). She isn't sure the exact total but in there last seven years the total raised is somewhere in the region of £180,000. An unbelievable amount of amount - all down to the hard work, determination and persistence of Jo, Mark and every one else involved. Bravo.

Today's charity is another one that supports a cause that has a personal connection to me through my amazing G'ma, Elsie. 

As most of you who know our family well will be aware, G'ma has been suffering from dementia for a while now - and she is by no means alone in this world. I can't imagine a scarier thing that your life gradually fading from memory and you not being sure whether what you can remember is real or not. 

Thankfully my G'ma is lucky enough to have the greatest granddaughter you can imagine in my sister, who is there 24/7 whenever needed. But not everyone is that lucky. I remember going to see her after her fall in a place near Wythenshawe Hospital and being amazed by the number of the patients in there with dementia or some kind of other degenerative disease. And not everyone of them had someone like Lil, or my mum, or the many people who I know have helped G'ma over the years. But there are charities out there who can provide that love, care and attention for those who don't have what they need. 

The hardest part about this next 40 days or so is going to be singling out charities - I know for every single one I do mention there will be 100s and 1000s of equally worthwhile ones who I miss. 

But this is really about raising awareness, about encouraging you to see what you can give to others who need it more than you. To make the world a slightly less selfish place, and to encourage people to think about others and show that compassion we all have within us.

For the price of a cup of coffee and a sandwich you can make a difference. Every tiny but helps, and if everyone can dig into their pockets and find that loose change, I think you'll be amazes what that adds up to.

Back to today. My choice for Day 2 is Dementia UK. Although I personally have had no dealings with them, anybody who can give their time and love to supporting those with dementia deserves my gratitude and respect. So thank you for all you do.

As I said yesterday please reach out if you know of others that have more personal connections to you. This is also about me finding a balance in my life, and part of that comes from me trying to give back to those who have less than me, or who need it more. 

Till tomorrow, Tom

Day 46 - Giving

So I have decided what my lenten activity is going to be this year. The best one I actually saw (well the one I like the most) was, "donate an item you don't use every day for 40 days". Unfortunately as I am new here and with a skeleton crew of stuff I don't have anything to really donate. All my crap is back in my lock-up in Manchester!

Another good one was volunteering. But unfortunately with my hectic and ever changing schedule here in the US I didn't want to commit to something that I wouldn't be able to follow through. Once I get a bit more into a groove then I still intend to do that, but not right now.

I finally decided on two things. 

1) I am going to donate a single item from my cupboard (or my weekly shop) each day. Then when Easter Sunday comes (and Katie is here) we are going to go to the local food bank and donate it. It's not much, but it is something.

2) Every day I am going to mention on my blog a charity which I think is worthwhile and deserving of your time and (hopefully) money. Some will be local here in BR, some in Houston, some local to Manchester and others very close to my heart. I will be donating to each and every one of them too. A small gesture I admit, but hopefully every little bit can help.

Today's charity is one that is very close to my heart and one that I had the privilege of being a trustee of for a short period of time, Friends of Serenity. They do have a website but I think they are most active on the Facebook page. A quick bit of history behind the charity - shamelessly stolen from said website as Jo is far more eloquent than I when talking about this:

Friends of Serenity is a non-profit organisation that was set up by Joanne Edwards at the end of May 2013 after she lost her son Luke, earlier that year, as a result of Trisomy 13. Friends of Serenity has a few main aims;

To preserve and protect the health of sick pregnant women and those who have suffered a miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal death in particular but not exclusively by:

(i) providing and assisting in the provision of facilities and equipment at East Lancashire Women and New Born Centre not normally provided by the statutory authorities.

(ii) supporting newly bereaved parents by the provision of memory boxes.

(iii) providing qualified information by any means appropriate on the chromosome disorder Trisomy 13 for the public benefit.

I've no idea how much Jo, Mark and the others have raised in the nearly 7 years of tireless work, but it is a staggering amount - and a real testament to the power of positivity in the face of overwhelming pain and anguish. They continue to be an inspiration to me today and I am so proud to have been a part of everything they are continuing to do.

So please, if you have something spare, make a trip to their JustGiving page and give anything you can. Friends of Serenity really makes a difference to people's lives, they help families to take the positives from situations where there seems no hope and they have created a loving community which enriches all those involved daily.

If anyone has any charities close to their heart please let me know. I am hoping to promote as many as possible over the next few months. The world is a great place, and humans can show levels of kindness that are breathtaking. Let's bring some harmony and love back into a world which desperately needs it.

Till tomorrow, Tom

Day 45 - Sacrifice?

So the last day before lent. Traditionally we should all (according to Christian) tradition begin abstaining from certain things tomorrow for 40 days. I am by no means religious and so it would be wrong for me to really make too many statements about this process, how it has been "adopted" by the masses and what it means in this modern day world.

I have however in the past attempted to make resolutions, sacrifices and the like. Usually with a pretty poor success rate. It is generally accepted that if you want to give something up then a "cold turkey, rely on the willpower" approach isn't really the way to get results. Some people can obviously just flick a switch but for the majority of us mere mortals it is more than that. Especially as we are generally looking to give up something we enjoy. It frequently ends in failure, and we write it off for another year.

But to my understanding the idea of lent for those who mark the time is less of a purely masochistic and sacrificial thing and more of a time for introverted reflection and consideration. In the Christian church Easter is the time of new beginnings, of sacrifice and rebirth, of starting again. Lent is a time for people to prepare themselves for that new beginning, while at the same time acknowledging the sacrifices of others.

As I said, I am not particularly religious. However I do feel that I am in a fortunate position compared to a lot of people. You don't need to be religious to care about other human beings, and to subscribe to the ideas of love, peace and togetherness.

This year I am therefore going to do something during the period of Lent, simply as the opportunity is here and this year is all about taking opportunities. I'm not going to give up any specific, tangible material items. I've already stopped eating and drinking certain things as part of this new healthy lifestyle anyway, so there isn't a smoking gun in my arsenal really.

This year, for the next 40 days, I'm going to spend time understanding and appreciating more what I have and what others do not. Instead of giving something up, I intend to give something.  I appreciate my fortune in this world and I am grateful for what I have. 

I will reveal more tomorrow (shameless attempt to get you all to keep reading my blog lol) but I hope that it is seen in the spirit to which it is intended.

Till tomorrow, Tom

Day 44 - Too easy?

Tomorrow is pancake day. Here in the US (especially where I am) it is actually Mardi Gras but to me Shrove Tuesday will always be pancake day. The day when we are traditionally supposed to be using up all the luxury items in our pantry/larder ahead of the 40 day fast toward Easter. A day in which we now rush out to the shops to buy all those items instead! Another classic case of missing the point there! Which leads me nicely on to today's blog. 

What is the topic of today's blog I hear you ask? Anyone. No-one?

Well, human laziness basically. 

To my relatively untrained eye, pancake batter consists of eggs, flour and milk. But apparently you can now buy a special "pancake mix" from the supermarket which just requires you to add milk. In other words, they have kindly mixed together the eggs and flour for you, as we all know that is unbelievably tricky to get right and is a real time-consumer. You have to be kidding me!?

Have we got so lazy that we are now expecting more and more things to be done on our behalf? Did you know for example that there are kids over in Japan and China whose job it is to play computer games all day? But not for their own benefit, rather it is for yours. They will play 8-10 hours per day (sometimes more) essentially "levelling up" your characters for you so you don't have to bother doing it. Now, call me crazy, but doesn't that defeat the point of playing the game yourself?

And what about this "JD and coke in a can"? Is it so difficult now to take some JD and add your own coke to it? We use the "lack of time" excuse to justify some of the laziest and most bizarre behaviour imaginable. I appreciate that some things need to be delegated in a busy life but surely people have to draw the line somewhere.

It seems that we won't even take the time to mix our own eggs and flour together, so what chance do we have of actually undertaking anything which involves either time and effort? How will we change the world if we are always looking for a way to shortcut the system, even sub-consciously? It is no surprise that we are turning into a short-term obsessed, obese society here in the "developed" world.

A steady diet of the repetitive is driving us away from innovation, away from variety and away from original thought. We are better than that. Human kind is capable of so much with the right focus, the right direction, the right energy. But we are allowing ourselves to become consumed with "content", with quick fixes and short-term satisfaction. 

Please don't take the easy way out folks. Don't always look for the quick fix, or the shortcut or the easy way out. Nothing worth having comes easy (to paraphrase Teddy Roosevelt). I'm not sure I subscribe 100% to this ideal, but taking the proper time to do things right is certainly a worthwhile approach. 

Don't always settle for short fixes, the hardest yards often reap the greatest rewards. And make the time to do some of these simple things. Often it is mere minutes out of your day and you may find that the enforced slow-down may actually help you to take stock and occasionally look at your life as it passes you by. 

Till tomorrow, Tom

Day 43 - Home away from home

Another weekend over. Time really is zipping past. Seven weeks in, only two weeks until my first visitor arrives, and only six until my monkey is in town. I feel like I'm really starting to get settled now, though I'm still in need of a couple of hobbies to keep me entertained in the evenings (and also to give me reasons to leave work earlier than I have been doing).

I'm also having to dig deeper and deeper into my bucket to find things to talk about. The disadvantage of having a quiet weekend is it becomes much, much harder to come up with an organic blog. I've not eaten out much recently (money is still a lot tighter than I'd prefer) and I haven't done much in the way of exploring. 

That said I was taken to a very nice Korean BBQ restaurant when I was over in Houston last week (Bori). The Koreans with us said it definitely wasn't as good as home, but as they picked it I figured it would be good enough! It is one of those where the small cuts of meat are cooked at the table over the grill and you have a load of sides (soup, omelette, kimchi etc.) to dive into as well. I would have taken photos, but I was eating.

And dive in I did, much to the surprise of the Koreans! I don't think they expected my semi-reasonable effort with the chopsticks either. Oh oh oh, fun fact: Koreans are the only people who typically use metal instead of wooden chopsticks apparently - and though they confirmed the fact, none of them seemed to know why!

It's always nice for me to at least partially dispel the notion a lot of other nationalities seem to have about the British (at least the British in bulk) - that we are not a very adventurous people, especially with cuisine. I can definitely see where they are coming from, and the racks of "English Pubs offering Full English Breakfast" you see lining the Costa del Sol is testament to that. Where the British travel in great numbers, the business seems to be in providing us with what we get at home. Same can be said for language, we seem to expect people to speak ours. Or maybe they expect us to expect that and so provide it.

I'm one of the fortunate ones in that I've always travelled, and always found it very easy to immerse myself in other cultures. There is very little food in the way of food I won't try at least once (ask Natalie about the rotting shark some time!) and I think I'm quite chameleonic when it comes to other aspects. The cowboy boots and the number of phrases and US phrases I've picked up show evidence of that. And to be honest I've even started spelling the US way. Sorry.

I think part of that is a semi-defense against homesickness. By immersing myself fully in the lifestyle of wherever I am, I find it much easier to avoid longing for home comforts. In fact the only things I've ever really craved when I'm been away are people. 

It doesn't mean I forget about home, only yesterday for example I did mention that a good old bacon sandwich is long overdue. It just means I'm able to find things elsewhere that also have meaning and bring joy.

I feel things often travel better over shorter distances too. I'd always try to eat what the locals eat, do what the locals do, support who the locals support. 

When you crave what is a long way away because it is comfortable, it makes you realize how far away from comforts you might be. And that can lead to a sense of isolation, a sense of homesickness and can lead to you missing out on what is around. 

So next time you go somewhere, don't try to hard to look for home comforts. Look for things locally that you can use as home comforts while you are there. Find things that make you happy wherever you are, rather than reminding yourself that your favorites things are absent. You're (in my case many) miles away from home, so make where you are another home.

Yes absence does make the heart grow fonder, but there is something to be said for living in the here and now - especially the here.

Till tomorrow, Tom

Day 42 - The Pride of Louisiana

King Cake and a Mardi Gras Bock
(the cake is not all for me, it is
going to work on Monday)

Today was the "Krewe of Spanish Town" Mardi Gras parade in Baton Rouge. It's the final parade of the year ahead of Mardi Gras itself on Tuesday, and traditionally known as being one you don't take kids too if they can read. Yeah it gets a bit raunchy. It has been going since 1981 and appears to have quite a bit to do with flamingoes, if the website is anything to go by.

There are still some big parades to go in New Orleans but the town here is definitely taking on a purple, green and gold vibe as we begin the final run up to what appears to be one of the most important festivals in this part of the country. 

It's not surprising really. It's a state with a strong religious history mainly due to the fact that the French (hence "Louis"iana) and the Spanish both had possession of the area during periods in history when they were in the grip of staunch Roman Catholicism. 

There is a strong sense of culture and identity here, I'd say almost as strong as Texas. People are very proud to call Louisiana home and very keen to show off (and continue to retain) their  way of life for all to see.

So there is a lot of tradition. 

From the parades, to the king cake (scroll down here to read the bit about king cake in New Orleans) and the crawfish boils which are just starting to get into season. Louisiana really does have such a fierce pride in itself, which is refreshing considering the sense of detachment and frustration I have been sensing from both the UK and the US in general. It's nice to feel proud of your home, it is nice to have a sense of identity that you want to share with the world. And it is nice to come to a place and experience that fierce sense of belonging first hand.

Travelling to me is about people and their interactions, both with the landscape and each other. Yes the architecture and natural beauty in come places is staggering, but I am at my happiest when my travel involves local people, local food and local custom. I love the dichotomy of finding things that are so common to home, right alongside things that are so alien. 

I'm always striving to find new things, things that I can't get anywhere else. I'm not the kind of person who needs too many home comforts - though at times a good, proper bacon sandwich is a sad loss. US bacon just doesn't do it for me. So a place like Louisiana, which is unmistakable is right up my street. Most people I spoke to about Baton Rouge struggled to suggest things to do - and there is no doubt this is no New York / Los Angeles in terms of the tourist traps.

But there is so much here away from that to explore. I've been in town not far short of a month now, and I've found my footing. This last couple of weeks has shown me how much there is to see and do, if I'm just prepared to scratch the surface. And that suits me. Houston is very similar, not a great "tourist" city but as a visitor you can find a treasure trove of adventures and excitement, as long as you know where to dig and are happy to get your hands dirty!

Till tomorrow, Tom

Day 41 - Running late

I appreciate it might be almost Day 42 for you guys back home. But in my defence I had a long week, followed by a late flight. I got home at 10pm and had to set my alarm for 4:45am so I could get half an hour talking to Katie! She and Nat are so busy (especially at weekends) that if I want to catch Katie then I have limited windows. 

And of course I was greeted by a smiling face right? Was I hell! Little Miss Moody-Ass-11-going-on-13 was in full effect!! A gentle reminder that timing is crucial, young girls don't like to be distracted from Tik-Tok and parenting is a game you can at best draw at for a good 5-6 years in the middle. Hats off to all those that do it, either their own or with back-up.

As I fully intend to do another blog later this evening  think I'll cheat again and delve into my box of previous blogs. I found this one, from almost exactly 6 years ago. It talks a bit about time, but also place. And I think it has some relevance still, particularly with the very nature of this blog being related to relocation/dislocation. Hope you enjoy.

Have you ever noticed how people never seem to be in the "right time" or "right place"? How often do you hear someone say they wish they had lived 200 years ago or 1000 years in the future, or the other side of the world? It is a very odd phenomenon that afflicts a significant number of us. But why do we do this, why do we frequently overlook our current existence and covet a different one in which to live out our lives? 

Personally I know I am just as guilty as others of this. The books and films I enjoy are generally not contemporary and those that are set in the present are often far from here.

Which is odd really because there is no obvious logical reason why this desire/drive exists? Is it perhaps an extension of the "grass is always greener" situation or is it something more basic than that? Are we humans simply that way inclined, always looking to be somewhere (or "somewhen") else?

Or is it that we like to imagine how are lives could be different IF we were somewhere or somewhen else? It could be that we prefer to counter our mundane (as they often seem to us) lives by pretending to be back in a "golden" time period, or off somewhere idyllic, or in the future which we can sub-consciously shape to our own preferences and make it the ideal place to live.

Whatever the reason I sometimes wonder if we are missing out on something by looking so desperately to be anywhere else. All around us there are fantastic experiences to be had, places to see, people to meet. And they are all within touching distance.

We don't need to imagine or dream about being elsewhere, we just need to look more closely around us and see that, actually, you are quite possibly exactly when and where you should be.

Till later, Tom

Day 40 - Another old one

Another day, another really long one. So once again I am shamelessly pilfering a previous blog. It's a light one, and probably not that interesting really. But I'm mentally beat and I need to learn some Spanish! I promise tomorrow to write something new - probably. Yeah I should get a chance in the airport as I am waiting to travel home. 

This one was focusing on things which I called Unbreakable Laws of the Universe (ULotU). Things that no-one can really explain but are just true. Everyone inherently knows them to be.

Barriers around things

This idea is borrowed (stolen) from the great Douglas Adams but I think it certainly still holds water. Adams (when designing the “rules” for a game called Brockian Ultra Cricket which was briefly mentioned in his Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy series) came up with this as a theory;            

 

Put your team and the opposing team in a large field and build a high wall round them. The reason for this is that, though the game is a major spectator sport, the frustration experienced by the audience at not actually being able to see what's going on leads them to imagine that it's a lot more exciting than it actually is. A crowd that has just watched a rather humdrum game experiences far less life-affirmation than a crowd that believes it has just missed the most dramatic event in sporting history.

 

When I first wrote this blog we were having some security turnstiles installed at work and no-one really paid much attention UNTIL a barrier was constructed around the area where they were being installed – suddenly everyone was trying to get a sneak peak and see what was going on, just in case it was the most interesting thing ever and they wanted to make sure they didn’t miss it. People just can’t help themselves. Obviously it’s not just the male gender that fall for this, but we seem to be more interested on the whole.

So ULotU Rule #1 – To make something more interesting, make it harder for people to see clearly what it is

 

Toilet Etiquette

This is something all men understand innately. I was certainly never taught this, its just there in my mind. The following diagram is a representation of the Men’s toilets at my work – the numbers correspond to the “correct” filling order.

Any disruption from the filling order (e.g. someone taking #6 when the rest of the toilets are empty) will cause great consternation if a second person comes in to use the facilities for example. Can’t explain it but if you show this to most guys I would expect you would get a very small amount of debate (if any). 

So ULotU Rule #2 – There is a way to “fill” any toilet facility. Its like the offside rule, it’s bloody difficult to explain to the uninitiated but it is unavoidable

Guys feel like James Bond when in Black Tie (i.e. DJ with bow-tie)

Sorry but we do. He’s cool and everyone in black tie wants to look like him and be him. If you are in a black suit and black tie then you start humming the Reservoir Dogs theme tune and deciding whether you want to be Mr Blonde, Mr White or Mr Orange. Obviously no-one want to be Mr Pink and Mr Purple is on another job.

 

So ULotU Rule #3 – When you wear Black Tie you could actually be James Bond. Black suit and black tie equals Reservoir Dogs.

 

It is almost impossible to use a lightsaber (or anything of that shape) without making a “woosh".

Ewan Macgregor famously added his own sound effects during the lightsaber battles he filmed for Episode 1 (until the crew politely pointed out that they could do that in sound editing later). If a fully trained professional actor can’t help himself then what chance do mere mortals have! 

Additionally, its amazing how many everyday things can be easily utilised to make a perfect lightsaber in order to be able to carry out the “whooshing” – mops, long-cardboard tubes, cricket stumps etc….

 

So ULotU Rule #4 – Lightsabers are cool. Making noises with them is even cooler

 

There are many, many other rules of men which have been talked about in great detail across vast swathes of the internet and other assorted media outlets (these things called books that I’ve heard so much about) so I won’t bore you anymore.

For the record (a) once the barrier was removed, nobody cast a glance at the turnstiles at work (b) if you do use a cricket stump for a lightsaber, check your clearances first because trying to explain to the groundsman why there is a shiny new hole in his recently redecorated changing room is neither a fun nor easy experience!

Till tomorrow, Tom

Day 39 - On the road again

Today started with a ridiculously early 0245 alarm call and is finishing with me sat in a very nice hotel room after three beers, a steak and a good evening spent with a good friend. 

It is however a hotel room with one of the most bizarre features I think I've seen - and I've been in more hotel rooms than I care to count in my my life. Just have a quick glance at the photo and see if you can work it out? Did you get it? No?

You can see the shower from the bed! Literally a clean view straight through the shower into the bathroom from the bedroom. Might have been pretty cool if I still had someone to share it with! As it is, it definitely goes onto my top 5 of odd things I've seen a bedroom (see if you can guess the other 4!).

It can get a bit tedious when you travel a lot, particular when it is short durations for work and you barely get your stuff out of your suitcase. But every now and then you see something funky like this and you realise that you haven't, in fact, seen it all! 

That's a good thing, keeping it fresh. Getting into too much of a routine (a bit is OK) isn't great, and it can often numb you a little bit to the little things. You miss them if you aren't looking. And sometimes you aren't looking because you've forgotten to pick your head up every now and then.

Anyway, it's been a long day. That big comfy bed is calling. And tomorrow is another day, hopefully with something new and exciting too.

Till tomorrow, Tom

Day 38 - Tips for Travellers

It's 2030 and my flight leaves Baton Rouge for Houston at approximately 0530 tomorrow morning. So already I'm at somewhere around 6 hours maximum sleep, if I go now. Right now. This second. So for that reason I am going to shameless reblog my second ever post - from October 26 2011! 

Back when this was a blog about me. When I wrote this I was yet to be married, yet to be divorced, yet to begin my career in any real sense. My daughter was only 3 and we had no idea our paths would cross. So much has changed, but I think this blog may still be relevant. It was called Travel Tips for the Jet Setters. Enjoy.

• Sometimes at security checks I have been asked to remove my belt and sometimes I haven't. Luck says that you will ONLY be asked to remove your belt if you have baggy jeans on which are relying 100% on said belt to keep them up.

• NEVER EVER EVER try to humourously engage immigration staff at US airports. Particularly when you have a UK passport although you were born in Germany (apparently that means you are probably a member of the Third Reich). Also don't ask the immigration staff  "what would you recommend?" when they ask you "what is your reason for entering the US?". In my defence it had been a 10 hour transatlantic flight sat between an asthmatic elephant and a screaming child.

• No matter how many times you've seen an episode of (for example) Family Guy, you WILL laugh like a tit at the really funny bit when watching it on a plane, resulting in (a) large numbers of people looking at you strangely (b) potential spillage of drink or food when you knee the tray table in your amusement.

• It ALWAYS rains upon arrival in Manchester, ignore whatever the captain says and keep your jacket with you at all times. On the off chance it isn't raining when you disembark, it will be when you finally leave the airport.

• If you can get them, the best economy class seats are generally at the front of the cabin sections by the emergency door. For extra leg room (and no-one in front moving constantly during the flight and disturbing your drink/meal) you have to agree to be the one to open the emergency door if you have crashed, which seems an excellent trade. Curiously you need to be able to speak English to sit in these (or maybe the native language of the flight) but not sure why that is relevant. A big red arrow showing either a clockwise or an anti-clockwise turn doesn't really need a label does it?!
• Or try to swing Business Class!

• Budget airlines are cheap for a reason. The food/drink/service/entertainment is shoddy because you basically haven't paid for it - prepare for this and stock up with whatever you can before hand or you will be crying when you have to pay £4 for 10 Pringles and a slightly moist Mars bar.

• Always look as if you know where you are going when you are in a city that is new to you. You can still consult a map (although preferably not every 2 seconds) and still look at road/street signs, but don't walk around gormlessly looking confused. I suppose there is nothing wrong with this, you just look very, very silly.

• Don't fall into the (generally) British trap of speaking loudly and slowly at a foreign person without checking if they speak English first. It always helps to learn a bit of the language for where you are going - the most important phrase to learn however is "I'm sorry - I only speak a little <insert language here>, do you speak English?" because I can guarantee that whatever little you manage to learn will be woefully inadequate if the response comes back in the native language.

• Do your research. Don't turn up in a city on one of its holidays or in the middle of a festival/carnival without planning it. I mistakenly did this in Budapest (I think) once, I arrived on a Tuesday into the main train station and asked when the next bus to my hotel was. Friday was the helpful response, same for the trams and trains. About £50 later my 3 mile taxi journey was complete.

• When camping, don't camp on an ants nest. They get really arsey and have been known to break into your tent to voice their displeasure.

• Also, your tent probably isn't waterproof - but you won't find out until it rains. If it is waterproof, don't leave it unzipped. 

Till tomorrow, Tom

Day 37 - A good ramble

Day 37. Just over 5 weeks since I started this great adventure - almost exactly 10% of the way through my assignment. 

And I've got nothing to say. 

Admittedly an 11 hour working day will do that to you and I pretty much burned up my grey-matter allowance for the week today. 

So in keeping with a lot of my blogs I'm just going to start writing and see where I end up. No plan, no editing, just empty my brain and pick the bones (hopefully none!) out of what ends up on the table - metaphorically.

In some respects my time here has passed so quickly. In others it feels like I can't remember being home. Though that might be because the three weeks I spent at home were amongst the hardest I have ever been through. Looking back it doesn't seem real, it feels like I watched someone else's life for that period of time. 

But when I look at where I am five weeks after arriving I'm amazed I fit it all in. I've touched on this before, but time really does play silly buggers with us on occasion. Who knows what else will have changed in the next five weeks? 

That lack of pre-cognition at least keeps things interesting. As much as it might be great to know what greets us just around the river bend (oh that has just given me a great idea for another blog post!) sometimes it is the excitement of not knowing that drives us forward. 

I have no idea where I will be in days, weeks, months, years. No-one does. You think you do. You plan. You strategise. You line up your ducks as you want them. And then they f*ck off in multiple different directions. Little assh*les. Never assume you have life figured out, because life finds a way to prove you don't. 

But life isn't about figuring it out, not really. It is not about the smooth ride. It is not about the destination. It is about the bumpy journey. The ups and the downs. It is about having everything you thought you knew taken away. But at the same time presenting you with another opportunity if you are brave enough. Sometimes it might turn out to be a terrible opportunity in hindsight, but you've got to take those leaps otherwise you'll never know. And then it is on to the next.

I used to believe I had complete control over my life. I now know, that simply isn't true. 

All I can control is moments. Individual moments. Hopefully those moments add up to something more substantial, but the second you put all your eggs in that basket you are doomed. You simply don't have all the information to control the chaos.

Moments are all I think any of us can realistically hope to control whilst retaining some semblance of sanity. So embrace that uncertainty. Grab the fact that you have no idea what is coming with both hands and cling on for the ride. What is your alternative?

Till tomorrow, Tom

Day 36 - Productive in PJs

 I've had one of the those great days where I have barely left my apartment (aside from a quick early morning gym session) but still managed to achieve loads. I love days like that. Days where, on the surface, it looks like you might have wasted them - but actually you were a productive little bunny!

It is all "routine" stuff, not high excitement. But doing it today sets me up for this week and frees my evenings up beautifully. Now the evenings can be devoted to more interesting diversions and activities. It also turns out that I'm likely to be in Houston Wed/Thur/Fri so getting my sh*t in order today will definitely help the week go smoothly. 

From this

Sometimes we forget that the simple things are just important. I'm on this big drive to make every second this year count. But realising that not every second of every day has to be exciting has been an important thing for me to get right. Too often we equate inertia with wasted time. We worry that if we aren't doing something fun then we are wasting that moment.

But to be able to fully enjoy yourself you've got to take care of the nitty-gritty - the oil to grease the wheels as it were. It is not often glamorous but needs doing. And the trick is to find a way of doing these things that don't equate to feeling like a grind. Because then you'll just find ways out.

To this

Today I've prepped meals, changed my bedding, washed a ton of clothes, ironed everything for next week, dusted everywhere and cleaned the kitchen and bathrooms all over. All while dancing around like a first class idiot. In my PJs. With my new noise-cancellers on. Singing at the top of my voice to some of the best tracks that have ever existed. And just like, a chore stops being one. That Mary Poppins had the right idea!

And the sense of satisfaction is real. It feels as good as that 10km last week, or finally finishing that book I've been circling for a few weeks. 

So find yourself a way to make those routine activities fly by. You've got to do them. Might as well stick on one tunes and show the world why you should never be allowed to sing in public. 

Hope the weekend has treated you right. And hope the week ahead is full of the wonder that we all know is out there.

Till tomorrow, Tom

Day 35 - Getting it out there

Pushing On

Always posing!

Approximately this time last week I was feeling the euphoria of finishing my 10km. The buzz and the adrenaline were wearing off and the slight aches and pains were just starting to politely make themselves known. 

Got my photos back today and I appear to be enjoying myself quite a bit (keep an eye out on Facebook/Instagram for the full lot). And I don't look like I'm dragging the weight of the world round with me. Which is nice. And fills me with tons of confidence for the next one in two weeks! 

A week later and the aches and pains have receded back into the depths of my mind, which is hopefully testament to the good frame I have got that mind in.

I'm not going to pretend that this last few months has been easy, nor am I going to pretend that things don't still weigh on my mind. I still have to make sure Katie is doing OK and you can't fully divorce yourself from something that was such a big part of you life for so long in such a short space of time. But overall I feel good about where I am. 

And I think it is important to talk about these things. It is important to be honest about where you are, how you are feeling. And it needs to be the good days and the bad days. It is very easy sometimes to put on a brave face to the world. Sometimes that is OK, sometimes that is necessary, but sometimes it is OK to show that you are struggling. No one can go through life without struggle. But the world we currently live in seems to equate struggle with weakness, and asking for help as being an admission of failure. So we don't. We push on and hope for the best. Sometimes people come out of the other side without damage, but often they don't.

The tragic news today about Caroline Flack just brings it into sharp relief. This appears to be a case of someone who was left with nowhere to turn. That is shocking. We are all human beings, all trying to live the best life we can and all striving for peace, love and happiness. The fact that there are still hundreds and thousands of people out there who feel they have got no other option is frankly unacceptable. 

So make that phone call. Even to someone who seems OK. Just to say hi, let them know you are thinking of them and you are there. (Just to be fully clear here by the way, this isn't a cry for help from me. I AM good, better than good. I just felt the above needed saying).

Anyway, hope everyone has a good rest of there weekend. Just remember to keep an eye on each other, trust each other and love each other.

Till tomorrow,

Tom