Day 49 - Learning about yourself

So according to Facebook, 5 years (and one day) ago Natalie and I completed the Chase the Yeti OCR event. Thinking back over those five years has opened up some interesting thoughts about how sometimes we need to reflect on where we were, in order to understand where we would like to be.

Natalie will tell you that it was an awful experience, honestly - and I have absolutely no qualms about taking full responsibility for that and apologising completely (I hope I've already done it directly but maybe not). I completely ruined that event by complaining the whole way round, about everything. I then sprinted to the finish to "win". Every single thing about that previous statement can rightly be classed as a dick move. Looking back I cringe at my behaviour, but even more for the reason behind it.

I let my ego and arrogance completely overtake me. Rick and I had been doing a few of these runs for a while by this point but he was getting better and I wasn't. I had stopped enjoying them because I hated losing, and I hated that I wasn't improving. Of course my arrogance at the time refused to allow me to accept that maybe it was because he was putting a shit load more work in than I was! I was frustrated and, instead of doing something about it, I just grumbled. In my arrogance I just assumed I would be able to do this because, well why wouldn't I?

Another part of it was that I didn't want to show this new girl that I was rubbish at something. Egotistical fucking asshole. 

What I should have been doing is what I am doing now - working harder to improve whilst removing ego from the equation. Instead of trying not to disappoint Natalie (and myself) I should have been taking the positives and working out how to make myself better each time. Accept your limitations, but don't let them define you, and work on making the most of them. Be humble, gracious and work hard. For some reason when I read those words back I hear them in my mum's voice, and that tells you just how good advice it is!

Fast forward 5 years. 

I stood on the line today with zero negative thoughts, zero ego and (OK maybe not completely) zero arrogance - certainly about the run. I knew what was coming and I embraced what it would tell me about myself, instead of fearing it. The difference was astonishing. I know full well I'm near the back of the field, and my time today would embarrass anyone who considers themselves a runner. 

I could not care less. I put everything I had into today, and trusted that the end product is simply what it is. No target other than complete the task. No losing mental battles. Yeah physically I struggled, despite my recent weight loss I'm still an overweight 39 year old with a chronic lack of fitness and a dodgy body. 

But it doesn't matter. I put myself out there, I put my ego and arrogance away and just enjoyed today for what it was. It was a challenge, and part of the trick of challenges is picking the right goals - the right definition of success. 

34 year old me was an arrogant, egotistical, petty child at times. Interested in the wrong things, targeting the wrong "successes" and trying to be someone I'm not, nor would I ever truly want to be. It cost me a lot, and it deserved too.

But 39 year old me is (I hope) a better human being. The one I wanted to be when I was 18, the one with all the dreams for the future and the whole world ahead of me. The one with a sense of pride, but in the right things. The one I hope Katie is proud of, and the one I hope (some of you at least!) are happy to call a friend. It's a long journey back to me, and I'm still on the road. But as long as I focus on the right things, I'll get there.

Post Race Party

No surprises that today's charity is the amazing Christie Trust. I cannot repeat enough what they have done for my family over the years, and how they still inspire me on a daily basis. The world is a better place because of them, a shining beacon in the darkest, most frightening of places. They don't have all the answers, but anything you can give (here - please either donate direct or use Lil/Dad/Ann's Snowdon Event) gets us closer

For you mum, always.

Till tomorrow, Tom

Day 47 - One of those days

I've been trying to send a package back to Katie for about 3 weeks now :-( And no matter how hard I try I can't get anywhere with it. FedEx are trying to charge me $300 but every time I get close to the end the website crashes. DHL and UPS are just as bad. I think I may have gotten somewhere with USPS but all I currently have is a label and a customs declaration - I'll let you know how that goes tomorrow.

Speaking of tomorrow I'm heading back over to Houston. 2020 Challenge #2 is on Saturday, the Houston Rodeo Run 10km. I did the 5km last year and I'm looking forward to stepping up and seeing how I get on with the longer version this time. I did pretty well a few weeks ago and I've been keeping up with my exercise routine so fingers crossed for this one. As always I'll be raising money for The Christie - keep an eye out tomorrow for the details once I have set the event up. 

And speaking of charity, it is Day 2 of my 40 days of Charity. Quick update from yesterday from Jo (co-founder of Friends of Serenity). She isn't sure the exact total but in there last seven years the total raised is somewhere in the region of £180,000. An unbelievable amount of amount - all down to the hard work, determination and persistence of Jo, Mark and every one else involved. Bravo.

Today's charity is another one that supports a cause that has a personal connection to me through my amazing G'ma, Elsie. 

As most of you who know our family well will be aware, G'ma has been suffering from dementia for a while now - and she is by no means alone in this world. I can't imagine a scarier thing that your life gradually fading from memory and you not being sure whether what you can remember is real or not. 

Thankfully my G'ma is lucky enough to have the greatest granddaughter you can imagine in my sister, who is there 24/7 whenever needed. But not everyone is that lucky. I remember going to see her after her fall in a place near Wythenshawe Hospital and being amazed by the number of the patients in there with dementia or some kind of other degenerative disease. And not everyone of them had someone like Lil, or my mum, or the many people who I know have helped G'ma over the years. But there are charities out there who can provide that love, care and attention for those who don't have what they need. 

The hardest part about this next 40 days or so is going to be singling out charities - I know for every single one I do mention there will be 100s and 1000s of equally worthwhile ones who I miss. 

But this is really about raising awareness, about encouraging you to see what you can give to others who need it more than you. To make the world a slightly less selfish place, and to encourage people to think about others and show that compassion we all have within us.

For the price of a cup of coffee and a sandwich you can make a difference. Every tiny but helps, and if everyone can dig into their pockets and find that loose change, I think you'll be amazes what that adds up to.

Back to today. My choice for Day 2 is Dementia UK. Although I personally have had no dealings with them, anybody who can give their time and love to supporting those with dementia deserves my gratitude and respect. So thank you for all you do.

As I said yesterday please reach out if you know of others that have more personal connections to you. This is also about me finding a balance in my life, and part of that comes from me trying to give back to those who have less than me, or who need it more. 

Till tomorrow, Tom

Day 29 - Tempus Fugit

Not a great deal to talk about tonight. Was hoping to have my pictures from the run but they haven't come through yet. In the meantime though, please have a look at the donation page and spare anything you can for this amazing charity. 

I did manage to get all my weekend jobs done though (shopping, ironing, washing, meal prepping etc.) so heading to bed quite satisfied after a successful few days. But that being said it is amazing how quickly the weekend passes. Even with two relatively relaxing days I still always hit Sunday evening with that feeling of being short of hours to get absolutely EVERYTHING I want to do in. 

In fact time generally passes pretty quickly these days. I've been in the USA for nearly a full calendar month now, and in Baton Rouge for a couple of weeks. Pancake Day is getting here soon, and we've got Mardi Gras here in Louisiana to look forward too. Good job we've got that extra day in February to fit it all in.

Coming up fast on the rails is the spring time. It's already starting to reach into the 20s here (degC obviously) and by all accounts it won't be long before the typical long, hot, humid months are upon us here in Baton Rouge. 

Looking beyond that there is still so much more to do this year - but I'm already only a few weeks away from my first visitor. From then it won''t be long till Katie is on the way over. 

My trips towards the end of last year really dragged. I think it is because I wasn't enjoying them and was focusing too much on the fact that I wanted to be somewhere else. Now though, I'm enjoying being here and so the time is passing much more quickly. 

Obviously it is not quite the perfect scenario as there are people not here who I'd love to have here, but the speed that time appears to be travelling at is definitely a sign of things being in a better place than they were. 

So it seems to me that the choice is to watch time drag as you waste it. Or make your week productive, make it full of love, make it stand out from the ordinary. And watch that time fly by as you make those memories that make it all worthwhile.

Tempus fugit.

Carpe diem.

Till tomorrow, Tom

Day 27 - For Mum

Downtown Baton Rouge

It's about 14 hours until race time. 14 hours till I stand on the line slightly less prepared than I should be (as always). 

For those who haven't kept up the event  I'm doing is the Mardi Gras Mambo Run 10km here in beautiful Baton Rouge. 

I was hoping to ease myself back in with a 5km but they don't offer one. And besides, who ever said this was supposed to be easy.

This is going to be my first Challenge Event of 2020 and to that end I've added a link to my mum's MuchLoved page. Please, please, please go there and donate anything you can spare. Literally anything. There is simply no donation too small. 

Every penny and every cent gets us one step closer to a cure for cancer. It also helps to provide support, guidance and the best medical care possible for those who are fighting - and those who are supporting those fighting.

For the race itself I am actually really looking forward to it. I have missed doing these challenges. They have brought me so many happy memories, so many great stories, so much joy. Doing these challenges directly led to meeting Natalie (and then Katie) so it is easy to see just how much of a profound influence they have had on the person I am today, and how the rest of my life is going to pan out. 

And raising money for The Christie helps to keep me connected with mum. It keeps her memory and her spirit alive every time we think about her. Every time we remember her it reinvigorates her legacy. 

I will forever be grateful for the time I had, even though it was too short. I am forever proud to be her son. And if I can do even the tiniest bit to help raise money, awareness, or even just people's spirits, then I will drag my ass to every start line, every finish line and every challenge I can drag it to, over and over again. The temporary pain is nothing - NOTHING - compared to what others are suffering (both physically and mentally) on a daily basis. 

So on that start line tomorrow I'll be thinking one thing - For You Mum, Always.

Till tomorrow, Tom