Day 177 - An unscripted ramble

Pretty simple one today. I haven't done a video blog for a while so here are some of my thoughts. There is little coherence, and I ramble a lot. But hey, you're welcome.

PART 1	PART 2
PART 3	PART 4

Oh and some photos of my room mate enjoying his trip!!

Too Cool

Working Hard or Hardly Working?

Hitting the Skins

Till tomorrow,

Tom

Days 135 to 176 (I think) - Letting things out

I wrote the entire post below before in one go, then went away for an hour to do some chores. I came back and re-read it, and some of it seems a bit petty. But I am going to leave it here. I think it is cathartic and I think it is important to note that getting these things out helps. Plus a lot my frustrations don't become less valid on a re-read.

I don't expect sympathy, I don't expect empathy, I don't expect anything. It is what it is. Life is tough right now, but there are ways to make it easier. Ups and downs go together, are flatlines are generally a bad thing.

Till next time (hopefully soon),

Tom

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So much for daily, or even semi-regularly posts. 

The truth is my voice has been lost. 

I was hoping to show you the delights of the South, whilst giving myself an outlet for any creativity that might arrive. I also hoped to be travelling the country, as well as entertaining whichever visitors felt like stopping by. And I had so many plans for daddy-daughter time.

Even though we've been let out a bit more here in Baton Rouge, its still nothing like it was before. Most things of interest are closed and there is only so many food posts, drum posts and posts from inside breweries I can do. Plus, with the spiking cases I expect a regression in the next few weeks.

And my desire to write about other things is at rock bottom. 

I feel like I've said all I dare to say most of the time. This trip was started amongst the wreckage of my life and I have tried so so hard to remain positive, despite everything. There are good days, and there are excruciating days, when even getting out of bed feels like a loaded decision. It's harder and harder to write blogs without the negativity creeping in. But the safety valve needs to go off, I feel like it is a daily battle to keep under control. I want Katie to have a positive role model, but I also want her to understand that life isn't always easy - and it is frequently unfair. You need that balance.

A big problem is that it all seems so petty compared to what other people are going through in the world. And I'm aware that my demographic (white, male, straight) has comfortably the least to be complaining about. But that doesn't stop it being real, it doesn't stop my problems being valid. I know they are small when held against the framework of the world - but they still fucking exist. They still drive me slowly towards complete insanity, so they still need to be voiced.

So this post is the result. 

Missing Katie is a huge part of it, watching as her life changes almost daily and being so far away. Parenting from a distance is the hardest thing ever, and I'm terrified that I'm going to be essentially redundant far earlier than I expected to be! I'm missing everything, and it hurts. 

It hurts more seeing other people who don't have to function like this - but don't realise how lucky they are to have the people they love so close. It feels like a slap in the face. I try so hard not to get angry, to try to empathise with what other people are going through. But it is hard. Those who don't want to make sacrifices shouldn't reap the benefits. 

The one thing about this trip that was always in the back of my mind, even before it became obvious I was coming over here single, was that at least home was close. Worst case, I could always be where I needed to be. Plus I'd have plenty here to keep me entertained on those days when the difficulties came to the boil. 

But it is systematically being taken, piece-by-piece, day-by-day.

My dad had to go home early, I've not hugged Katie for over 6 months, I've done zero travelling (and barely seen BR itself). 

I was so looking forward to Katie's birthday, I even dragged myself up at 2am to see her open her presents. But in amongst a zoo of other people I didn't manage to snatch more than maybe 10-15 minutes with her. Maybe 2 of which were at full concentration. I suspect it would be little different at home now that she's 12, but at least we'd be in the same room.

Father's Day was similar, something else I was planning to be around for taken away. For someone in my situation Father's Day means a lot to me. At the end of the day, I've already missed 6 years of Katie's life, and it won't be long before she doesn't need me anymore. So I treasure every single one. And I wasn't there. 

Even non-personal things like St. Patrick's Day, 4th July etc. have been ruined. Opportunities to get out, experience this country, meet people and begin to rebuild this phase of my life are just not available. Slowly, methodically, every reason why being here would be tolerable is being stripped away.

My birthday is in 10 days and I think a part of this melancholic introspection is coming from that. I turn 40 and (though age is just a number) humans are unavoidably drawn towards milestones (even those derived purely arbitrarily by ourselves). You don't see many "Happy 39th" cards around. When we as a society make a big deal of it, it becomes a big deal.

And you can't help but take stock and look back - especially when you have so much time to yourself. What did I imagine my life to be like at 40, and it is close? I had no life plan really, so it is hard to say it hasn't gone to plan! Bits are great, bits are awful. 

But you really do to start to second-guess yourself. 

Obviously I'm doing something wrong when it comes to certain things, otherwise I wouldn't be in the situation I am in - trying to put the pieces back together again without any real idea of what the jigsaw looks like. What did I do so wrong that left things the way they sit today? What about me is it that I'm sat here on my own questioning where I slipped up? 

I try every day to be a good person (and I know I haven't always managed this) but sometimes I wonder why I bother. Sometimes this world seems to reward those who just take what they want, those who just pretend to care about others. I appreciate people's priorities don't line up with mine all the time, but basic human decency should be on everyone's list. I look around at where I am and sometimes wonder if I'd be better off with that attitude. 

But that is not the right attitude. The world is close to anarchy, close to the edge. And that kind of selfish thinking has gotten us here, and won't get us out of this mess. 

So we go on. We grind against the unfairness of life, the karmic imbalance that seems to reward the wrong behaviour. And we look for the positives, the rays of sunlight, the moments to cherish. They are there, they just need some finding sometimes.

Days 128 to 134 - Another week

It's amazing how you can be busy the whole week, not have time to sit down and blog every night, and then come to write about the week's events and have literally NOTHING that seems relevant, important or interesting to say. And it has been a week in which we've have started to open up a bit here in Louisiana and begin the process of moving back towards the new normal - whatever that looks like. So it should have had things of interest to discuss.

The dichotomy between being busy but being unable to relate any of that to others is strange. I don't feel like I have the interest in telling you about what I've been up to, and for that reason I'm almost sure you don't have any interest in hearing! It's by no means terrible, but it just feels completely devoid of substance, shorn of any direction. It feels like motions being gone over, because that is what we do sometimes. We just grind the handle and the weeks go by.

And I certainly have plenty of things I want to be able to do one the lockdown is relaxed a bit more. But I don't think I can honestly look back on the last few months and say that I have made the best use of the time. I've not done nothing, in fact when I look at the list of things I've been up to it is actually quite full, but I just don't feel like any of it was of consequence. I just don't feel like any of it made a difference. 

I turn 40 this year and, unavoidably, milestones often find you looking back and taking stock of your life and your achievements. This last couple of years have obviously been very different and very difficult but even despite that I haven't managed to make as many positive changes and progressions as I would like. 

You can become acutely aware of things that you used to take for granted not being there anymore. And often you didn't even realise you had lost them. There are obvious ones, the biggies that cannot be avoided. But there are more subtle ones - friendships that you have neglected to the point where you can't remember the last time you physically saw people - hobbies or projects that you started so long ago that all they are now is a distant memory of a dream or passion you let drift. These hurt too, realising that you've missed out on experiences and memories that were often close enough to grasp, if you were just looking in the right place at the right time.

It can be disheartening, looking back on what you have done and realising that opportunities have been wasted - and in great number too. It can make it difficult to go again when you begin to question whether you have any relevance. 

Like all problems, an acknowledgement of things is step one - and I honestly know that this isn't some kind of bombshell that has dropped on me. I felt this for a while, but I've found great difficulty articulating it. And again, I don't lack for people to talk to, that isn't the problem. The problem is getting the balance right, between what you can do on your own and what you need some perspective for. 

We are often the worst at seeing our own lives through glasses with no bias, and some of us are notoriously bad at finding the right way to get that perspective and that balance. But the positive thing is that it is something you can control, something you can work on. 

There are things I miss, some beyond what you can comfortably ignore - and there probably always will be. But when I look around I know I am in a good place, and I know I have plenty of things going on in my life. It is just tapping into that and finding the right way to get passionate about these things again.

Hopefully as we move into the middle of the year I'll find a bit of mojo, get out and about a bit more and start to find that inner peace and sense of direction and purpose that has been lacking recently. 

Till tomorrow, Tom

Days 105,106,107 - Experiences

I firmly believe that life is about experiences and creating memories. When all is said and done, your life essentially IS the sum of those experiences and memories you have gathered over the years. It is not the sum total of the possessions you own but rather the cumulative total of all the things you have seen and done. And that includes the good ones and the not-so-good ones equally. 

A huge part of these experiences and memories for me is the people that you choose to do these things with. The greatest experiences that I can look back on combine these elements of not just "what" but "who". After all it is other people and our interactions with them which drive most of our day-to-day lives. Whether it is people you work with, people you spend time with or people you glimpse into the lives of (both fictional and non-fictional). 

I can be personally guilty of being very insular and particular isolated sometimes. I'm not going to lie, some days I don't want to see another single human being. It is not necessarily because I don't like other people but simply that occasionally it is OK to do things on your own. 

However this lockdown, coupled with the remoteness from the people I love, is reminding me more and more to take advantage of opportunities to do things with those people who mean the most to me. Say yes more often than not, even if the thing you are saying yes to might not have been on your radar initially. 

And also be aware that it is not always the same person (or set of people) who make the experiences special. Sure you might do the majority of things with a particular person but everyone needs space and time to make their experiences and memories in the way that feels right to them. So it is important to find a group of people you can trust, and who can add to your experiences in different ways. Sort of like "horses for courses" but with people 'I guess!

Every day gives us the opportunity to enrich our lives and to add another "notch" to the belt of life experiences. Even in these very difficult times. And the things that we can't do now, start working out how to make them happen - and who you wanna drag along for the adventure.

Till tomorrow, Tom

Days 102,103,104 - Building

"Success breeds success" they say. In cricketing parlance fielding teams tend to say "one brings two" - meaning of course, get one batsmen out and you might have a good chance at getting another one. It basically means that it is important to build on good things, good days, good experiences - use them as a catalyst for pushing onto the next good thing.

One of the things that has been so tough about this lockdown is building positive momentum. When you are confined to four walls (with a few exceptions) it can be difficult to continue being positive about things and to use previous successes to fuel others.

But not impossible. I think the key thing I'm starting to learn about this lockdown is how important it is to be flexible - but also to be resilient if things don't go your way. You can't always have the opportunities to build positive momentum, but that doesn't mean success need to be isolated. If you can learn to take positive energy when you generate it and find a way to channel it (not always in the same direction) then you a good distance along the way of surviving this lockdown - not only intact but in a better position than where you started.

It makes sense when you think about it. A really good gig gets you buzzing and in the mood for another one. A great meal always seems to leave you wanting more no matter how full you are. And there is no better way to get over the end of a holiday or a trip than to get planning another one. I am sure this is some psychological or neurochemical effect within the brain that explains fully this relationship between doing something fun and suddenly wanting nothing more than to keep doing it. But I'll leave that to the professionals! 

All I know is that when you get that urge and/or that intense enthusiasm and desire to do something then it is your brain giving you some fantastic advice. "That was brilliant, let's do that again soon". And who am I to argue with my brain on something so important? the key is to make sure you find multiple angles, multiple different ways to channel that energy. That way, if your first plan isn't available then you can always have back-up which means that great, positive momentum isn't wasted.

Till tomorrow,
Tom

Day 97 - A simpler time

So this week or so has been difficult. This is never an easy time of year, bad memories come thick and fast - too many, "what ifs" and "what could have beens".

I always seem to do the same thing when life gets like this, regress to what I suppose you would say is a simpler time. Being a kid really was very easy, I just wished I'd realised it back then. We spend a large part of our youth wishing to be older, then when we get older we begin to understand what it was that got wished away!

Just flicking through the TV planner here in the apartment I found something which perfectly exemplifies what I am talking about, the movie Chariots of Fire. Now if you've never seen it, you seriously need to go watch it. No special effects, no tricks, but quite simply one of the most inspirational and uplifting movies ever made (with possibly the most iconic opening theme in history). This was not a movie that needed to blow things up or convolute the plot to tie us in knots. It was simple, raw and, frankly, a million times better than anything we see today. Without the shortcuts afforded by modern technology this was how things used to be, you had no choice but to do it right. Simple. Beautiful. Evocative.

And it means a lot to me. I remember watching it with my folks at least a couple of times, great memories of childhood which mean so much this time of year. Plus, the opening scene is filmed on the West Sands at St. Andrews, a place that most of you know holds a very special place in my heart and my life. I'm not going to say it is where I was at my happiest, because that does disservice to the rest of my life (plus everyone knows my happiest times are always with Katie) but it was a period of my life that I often find myself yearning for in times of difficulty. Oh if I could go back to those days now, with everything I know today, the world would be there for the taking!

I guess it is no surprise that when things get a bit overwhelming, emotional or complicated in life that people look for those calmer times. As I mentioned before, my default "protective" position is a regression back to when things were simpler in my life. I don't know why it is, I just feel more comfortable when I am reminiscing about how things used to be. Is that healthy? Probably not in all honesty, but I think as long as you temper it with a healthy dose of realism (the world ISN'T going to go back to how it was) I don't think there is huge harm in it.

Sometimes it also helps to re-trigger something. Maybe a long-forgotten dream or an idea that was lost in the ascension to adulthood. Maybe something as simple as reminding oneself how far that person from all those years ago has come. 

Often though it just helps to reset, to remind yourself of how simple things used to be - because in all fairness there is no reason they need to be so complicated now just because we are older and supposedly wiser!

So take that look back through time, remind yourself of how simpler times were, and see if you can do something about making today that little bit less complex and painful. A healthy dose of nostalgia can go a long way.

Till tomorrow, Tom

Days 92 to 95 - Beauty and the Beast

I'll be honest, this week has sucked. 

It's just been one of those weeks where every little thing seems to be pushing my buttons. Age is obviously just a number (and your mentality plays a huge part in what that number means) but I can't deny that turning 40 is starting to make me take stock of where my life is and where I am going. And it hasn't always been pretty reading. 

Sometimes this beast which lurks amongst all of us is given too much to feed off. Too. much negativity, too much regret.

I often wonder whether I've fully taken advantages of the opportunities I've been given, have I fully challenged myself to be the best I can? Some days the answer is yes, others it is a resounding no. There is definitely a sense of frustration that all of us feel about sometimes wishing we could go back in time and do things differently, knowing what we know now. 

But on the flip side, everything in my life has gotten me to Katie - to being a daddy. That is the most beautiful thing in my life, and something which I am striving to find elsewhere too.

I read an article some 6 years ago on the BBC News website talking about the relationship between mathematics and beauty (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-26151062). It talks generally about the fact that seeing certain mathematical functions and expressions can elicit similar brain functions to looking at artistic masterpieces. Back then it got me thinking about the notion of beauty and things that are beautiful - and it resonates today still with me.

The BBC article mentions one equation in particular - Euler's identity - which perfectly relates five of the most fundamental mathematical constants (0, 1 e, i and π) and three of the basic arithmetic operations (addition, multiplication and exponentiation.

Euler's Famous Identity

I remember the first time I ever understood the dichotomy of this. The contrast of fundamental mathematical and practical simplicity alongside the less tangible sense of wonder and beauty that comes with finding something so perfect, so pure. It triggers curiosity, and curiosity can be a wonderful way to find what you are looking for.  

THAT is what beauty in this world is about. It is about seeing, hearing, touching, tasting or smelling something which elicits pure, raw emotions. Beautiful things stop you in your tracks, they fundamentally change the way you think about things and they make you smile. It is not a superficial thing at all but a much more primal and instinctive reaction.

One of the best things about this world is how much there is out there which has the potential to do those things to us. We shouldn't be striving for possessions or power but rather searching for those moments, those sensations of awe and wonder which we all have the capacity to feel. They don't cost anything to feel and they transcend all barriers. 

And beauty is different for every single one of us, that is what make life so interesting and so full of variety. So get out there and keep your senses open. Don't close your mind to anything and just be alert for those moments that take your breath away, they can come in so many different forms. And when they do come, appreciate them for everything they are. It is better than listening to the beast which lurks there too.

Till tomorrow, Tom

Days 88,89,90 - A hodgepodge

Been an interesting last two/three days - I guess you could describe it as a combination of the old and the new.

For some reason Facebook has been high on the memories this last week or so. And that's not necessarily a bad thing. I think it is important sometimes not to distort memories too much by looking at them through the larger magnifying glass of life. 

I still get regular items pop up from the last 5 years with Natalie, and to be honest with the years before with other Natalie. I try to look at them in isolation, remember the happy time that came with the good memory, rather than ignore or suppress them because of what came later. For example, last year we had so many cool moments from our trip to Cyprus - and they remain moments that I'll cherish. Because they should. 

And Katie showed me a picture today that she's just had put in a frame of a wedding the three of us went to a few years ago now. I love that she is still able to look back on that evening with love and affection. I love that she is able to just take those moments of happiness in isolation and remember the positives about them. 

You shouldn't look back at your life and retrospectively review events because things didn't end the way you wanted. You shouldn't feel like you have to remember something differently because of what happened later. Live the moment, in the moment. Or maybe what I'm saying is I feel lucky that I don't have to do that.

But a part of looking back at old memories is trying to forge new ones, not easy in these uncertain times for sure. Finding new hobbies, new "obsessions", new loves is always important for keeping things fresh. I managed to find myself a couple of new TV shows to keep me entertained, not to mention a new book series or two. Plus you can see the (limited) progress I'm making on the banjo below!

All-in-all I just think it is so important to take the good from what has been, and try to forge the best future you can. And if you don't give something a whirl, you'll never know what you don't know. If you do make a mistake or go down a path you realise you shouldn't, hey you can usually rescue it before you go too far! 

Till tomorrow,

Tom

ps- how about last night's storm eh? 

Days 86,87 - Feeling it

This week is the first week were it is starting to feel a bit like I'm trapped. I know it is  now week three of working from home but for some reason this week is the one where I'm starting to get itchy feet about how long we are going to be inside. 

It is a combination of things really. Normally this time of the year is when the cricket and golf seasons start and I'm generally found outside most weekends, if not during the week as well. The fact that Katie was supposed to be here this week is also adding to it. I had so much good stuff planned and it sucks watching it all pass us by.

Still, you've got to try and take the positives where you can. Plus it is not one of those situations that can really be affected too much by what you do - at least I think you can only make it worse with inertia, you can't really influence that much the other way. 

So this week has been spent, as most of the ones before really, trying new things and generally doing my best to take advantage of the cards I've been dealt. They aren't amazing cards, but I'll admit that they are probably better than most other people's and I don't have that much of a cause to complain in the grand scheme of things.

Today marked my first proper day having a whack on my new drum kit. I mean I had a wee play over the weekend but I actually started watching the lessons that I signed up for today. Tried a few action shots but unfortunately the angle doesn't do great justice to my (slightly) reduced figure these days!! However, I wanted to get one action shot in so there you go.

In the Music Corner

Also found a spot for Winterfell and The Red Keep in the apartment. Day by day it is feeling more and more like my place and not just somewhere I am in for a year. Obviously once the restrictions are relaxed and I can get out and meet a few more people it'll feel even more like my new home - and I can see myself living here longer if Katie doesn't mind. I've certainly got enough people wanting to visit (including her!) so I wouldn't be too surprised to find me this side of the pond for a wee while yet.

Pride of Place

I hope everything is good with you all back home. I know it is difficult and there has been unprecedented change and challenges over the last few months. Just remember those people that get you through those difficult times, those are the ones to hold onto. 

The world can, and does change, in a heartbeat. Don't take for granted anything, embrace every single moment that you can and hold dear that which you care about. 

Till tomorrow,

Tom

Days 79&80 - Calm amongst the storm

Have you ever looked at the night sky? I mean REALLY looked at it. It is staggeringly beautiful and mind-blowing at the same time. There are officially 88 modern constellations according to the IAU (International Astronomical Union) but the view is so much more than patterns and billions upon billions of twinkling lights.

Astronomy is one of the oldest sciences as cultures as far back as the Babylonians and Maya recorded observations of the night sky (and put their findings to practical use in most cases). In fact, almost every civilisation there has ever been has looked to the heavens and tried to understand the universe or simply marvelled at the beauty of it.

As a scientist by nature, the way the stars and planets interact and the "celestial dance" they perform across our night sky is fascinating, but today I want to get away from the mechanics and look at the aesthetics and the "feel" of the sky. Because it is contains a beauty and serenity that is all too often overlooked.

The night sky is slow - I don't mean that literally as we travel through it at something approaching 30km per second. But things seem to happen slowly. Yes the stars will move over time, but the movement as you look at them is essentially undiscernable. And the light from some of these stars has taken so long to get here that the star is long gone. Everything about gazing at the night sky is an exercise in patience and relaxation.

We in the built-up areas of the Western world don't get to see the sky in all its glory due to light pollution but it is truly magical sight. On a cloudless night and with the right location you can stare for hours at the majestic beauty of the cosmos and still only see a fraction of a fraction of what there is to see. You can go back every night for a lifetime and see something new each time.

That is another aspect of staring at the sky that I find so appealing, the sense of scale. Some have great difficulty in understanding their place in the universe but I take great comfort in being (as Gargravarr in the Hitchhiker's Guide to Galaxy put it so succinctly) "An invisible dot on an invisible dot, infinitely small".

There is something, for me, so relaxing and soothing about the night sky. It is hard to convey in words but it is a kind of enjoyment in the infiniteness of it. The knowledge that the universe is so vast and old puts our short, small journey through it into perspective. As I said before, some don't like to think of life as essentially a blip on the radar of existence but personally I take great comfort from the sense proportion it gives me.

It is a difficult time for the world at the moment. There seems to be so much wrong, so much to fix, so much to lament :-( But every time I look up into that sky I still retain that sense of wonder, that understanding that everything is possible and that sense of serenity that comes when you realise that all your struggles can be forgotten in the grand scheme of things. It doesn't make problems go away but, for me, staring up at the night sky helps me to remember that problems and stresses are only as important as I decide to make them and there is so much more to life than that.

So next time you get a chance, pick a spot in the sky, stare at it and remember the first time you ever looked in wonder at the universe out there. Remember that time when the sky was a place of beauty and amazement. If you are anything like me then you might be amazed at how much better your own little universe feels afterwards. Especially in these trying times.

Stay safe. Show love.

Till tomorrow, Tom

Days 76&77 - Find a way

I'm writing this at 11pm after one of those unexpected days that help to remind you of the power of communication and the benefits of making that connection. My Friday was pretty uneventful, working from home and generally just trying to stay sane in amongst the complete madness of what is happening here.

Saturday on the other hand, was just awesome. 

Firstly, my daughter scared the living daylights out of me at about 5am by sending a message to my Echo - "Daddy are you up?". I don't think anything has made me move as quick in years! 

In her defence, I did tell her on Friday night that she could call me 24/7 and I'd always be there. However for context, I've been away for 77 days now and I can safely say that she has called me out of choice about twice. The rest of the time I've had to employ the trick of getting Nat to make her do it! So it was nice, if unexpected.

We then spent the next 4-5 hours hanging out. She baked banana bread (didn't save me any) and then put this awesome 3D Eiffel Tower jigsaw together. I might have dozed off a couple of times (but not for long). I contributed nothing to either the baking or the jigsaw, but I loved every second of it.

The finished product

It was amazing. 

It just shows that this virus lockdown is no reason not to spend time with those you love. With a bit of willpower and a pinch of initiative there is NO excuse that I'll accept for not reaching out and making those memories. 

There is no reason not to be there, even in spirit. We are 4000 miles away and still managed to hang out - for longer than we used to do when I was home probably! 

And if that wasn't enough the afternoon was mainly taken up with a lads afternoon! A few beers and some great chat, ranging from the virus itself through craft beer, "classic era" WWF/E and Lego Batmobiles. 

For those who haven't given it a go yet, I'd thoroughly recommend the HouseParty app. Pretty much just a simple video chat app but it allowed me, Dan, Gareth and Baz to catch up from four locations pretty much seamlessly - despite a minor overheating issue with my phone and Cadman's inability to keep himself in our shots!

I hadn't realised how much I had missed that interaction. How nice it was just to drink some beers and put the world to rights. We take for granted these people in our lives and we shouldn't. 

My hope is that this virus will change the way the world thinks, for the better. 

It will remind us that everything is fleeting and you never know when it might be gone. But it will also show us that this shouldn't be seen as a bad thing, instead it should be a daily reminder to seize the day. It should be the incentive to live more in the here and now. 

We worry so much about the future, and have so little control over it. But the present, well, the present is something you can influence, something you can shape. So embrace it, mould it, shape it to your will. If you think about doing something, go do it. If you miss someone, call them. If you want to spend time with people you are isolated from, find a way. 

That's the key to all of this. Excuses are easy. Don't hide behind them. Don't use them as an "out". Take some responsibility. Own it. Grasp the nettle.

FIND. A. WAY.

Till tomorrow, Tom

Day 72 - Into the unknown

The isolation order finally came in today. We are locking down in a bid to contain the fastest growing escalation of Covid-19 in the USA, possibly the world. Louisiana is picking up cases faster than Italy did at this stage of the cycle, and it only looks like it is going to get worse. The logical thing therefore has come about, and from tomorrow working from home is the only alternative. I've got my work-from-home (WFH) station all set up, it is just a case of how it all pans out.

Now over the last few yers or so I've done a lot of remote working - whether it be with to back in the Manchester office from the USA or to site whilst being based out of an office myself. It is not new to me. Nor is it really new to anyone in my profession these days. It is a global industry, a worldwide business. But never before on this type of scale.

It is going to be fascinating to see how we cope, to see how we adapt. The likelihood is that the way we worked today may be the last day we ever truly work like that. Global collaboration, worldwide hubs and virtual offices are becoming more and more the norm.

The social interaction inherent in office based environments is being eroded away in the name of functionality and efficiency. For example, my commute is short but others will have 2 or so extra hours a day to play with now. That drives productivity and profit.

We have streamlined the activities so well and developed the technologies so thoroughly. The need for human-to-human contact is slowly being removed from the equation. 

Which makes me sad. 

I love the interaction in the office, the camaraderie. I still believe two people in a room with a common purpose and all the information in front of them can make more progress than 20 people in far flung corners of the global - fighting time zones, language barriers, lag (both net and jet), firewalls and dodgy broadband connections. 

There, to me, is still nothing like sitting in front of someone and having a conversation, reading the body language and the unspoken elements. I understand the modern world (and also appreciate that this virus is not par-for-the-course) but I sometimes feel that we need those interactive elements to do our jobs properly. We can't just sit isolated in our towers and retain that level of interaction and collaboration that is so critical to so much of life on this planet. 

Human beings are always better working together, towards a common goal. Now I'm not saying that there isn't a place for remote working in the future (once this is all over) but let's not be too hasty to all retreat to our bunkers and work from there. We are social creatures, in work as well as play.

So tomorrow is the big step for us all. As I said, I've done this remote working before - but both the scale of it, and the reasons for it, fill me with some trepidation for what is to come. However, as I've tried to put across on this blog, the future is something that is going to get here soon enough - you might as well embrace it while you can, however odd it looks.

Till tomorrow, Tom 

Days 70&71 - Scary times

Day 70. 10 weeks into my US Adventure. Did anyone see it going like this? Anyone at all? Didn't think so. 

These are troubling times. Louisiana has used a statewide SIP (Shelter in Place) from 5pm tomorrow amidst fears that the escalation rate is higher here than anywhere in the world. 800+ cases from only 3,500 tests are worrying numbers. Thankfully the mortality rate is low (only 20 deaths at last count) but the trends are not good (here).

There is mounting worry here, you can feel it on the local news channels and around the place. People are readying themselves, people are getting preparing for the worst. And this is state that has been devastated more than once in the last 15-20 years by natural disasters. When the Louisianians begin to worry, it's hard not to join in. This is a state with below average health care and below average access to what is needed to fight an epidemic. There are a lot of nursing homes, elder residents and vulnerable. This is getting a lot worse before it gets better.

There is nothing that can be done other than follow the instructions, look out for each other and just wait this thing out. It is a helpless feeling - and that is for someone who is at significantly lower risk than others out there. A stiff British upper lip helps here, as does the fact that I am comfortable in my own company for long periods of time. Which is a good thing as I'm going to need to be.

However, that said, life goes on. You just get on with it, que sera sera, and do what you can. I managed to have pretty good weekend despite all the unease (you'll notice I'm doing one blog per weekend until I can get out more). I managed to speak to Katie for a long while on Saturday and she finally got her first US care package :-) Looks like she enjoyed it.

Other thing I've been making good progress on is my 3D jigsaw of Winterfell. It's a lot more complicated than I first thought but it is taking shape at least. Long way to go but it is keeping the grey matter ticking over and that's about all I can ask for at the moment. 

Stay safe everyone, look after each other.

Till tomorrow, Tom 

Day 60 - Where is the line?

Trump closed the route from Europe to the US today - but not from there UK. Why? There are a comparable number of cases in many European countries as there are in the UK. But because we are an island it seems that there is more confidence that we can resist the spread. I'm not sure I buy that but for some reason this got me thinking about boundaries and territory and how they are perceived by us humans.

We have a very nice obsession (which I have touched on before) of quite rigidly labelling and defining things, "that is mine", "this bit of land here is called Denmark" etc.But when it comes to boundaries it is actually very hard to define these unambiguously and with unilateral agreement. In fact I'd wager a large majority of the conflicts in history can be put down to the simple truth that two sets of people disagree about where they think the boundary is!

The map of the world as we know it is constantly changing, and it has been for centuries. There is always one area of the world looking for independence from another and there are always people coveting something that they may perceive as "rightfully" theirs.I think part of it comes down to the fact that it is very difficult to draw artificial barriers easily. Although the land is constant (within reason) it is the movement and relocation of people throughout history that has a significant effect.

This constant moving around means that it is very rare to find an entire area which is easy to "fence off", both in terms of the people who inhabit in and from a geographical standpoint. Take Great Britain for example, which is geographically very easy to define. Within this relatively small piece of land we have had more changes in definition than seems logical. Throughout history we have seen the Angles, Saxons, Vikings, Romans, Celts, Pics, Normans....well you get the point.

After the great Colonial period there seems to be a drive (certainly amongst the people) to move towards smaller territories, or at least territories where they are living with people they class as "their own kind". A large driver often appears to be that the majority of people consider themselves more like one set of people than another. The Partition of India drew lines based on religious majorities, and ended up displacing somewhere in the region of 10-12 million people who considered themselves to be on the "wrong" side.

Modern society is said to be multi-cultural and integrated but if you look in more detail then I think the opposite is happening. People are looking more to live within communities with a smaller diversity, one where they have a heritage in common and where they feel more connected.

I wonder whether this is a cyclical thing following a period of great expansion and domination from a small number of powers or whether there is something else at play here? Either way it is difficult to get away from the fact that, wherever the boundary is drawn, there is always likely to be someone who has a different idea of where it "should" be.

Till later, Tom

Day 58 - Routine and rhythm

First day back in the office in Baton Rouge and trying to get back into a rhythm after a slightly disjointed few weeks. Also trying to avoid the panic and hysteria around the coronavirus which thankfully has permeated too far into Louisiana - yet! 

Sounds like our first cases have hit though so I'm fully expecting the mass craziness to start here in earnest too. Having seen the way the rest of the world has been dealing with it, I expect it'll get worse before it gets better unfortunately.

Away from the insanity of everything it's been a good few days. Travelling to/from Houston always creates a slight disconnect, routines are disrupted and good habits so hard to keep. The weight is still coming off but I'm having to work harder and harder every day to keep the progress. And it's not just the weight, there are a bunch of other habits (eating right, exercising, drinking plenty) that are so much easier when I'm trying to live out of a suitcase.

I've talked about this before, but when I'm on good form I'm a kind of "organised spontaneous". If that sounds pretentious - then it probably is. But what I mean by it is that I can be very in-the-moment about certain things, but I have to my other ducks in a row. For example, if I get all my meals planned out for the week, then it relaxes me. Cos I don't have to think in the evenings. Which means the evenings can be spent pursuing more exciting activities than cooking for one!

Anyway, back to routine. One that I've been working really hard to keep going even when I've ben racking up the miles is taking care of myself - particularly my new skincare routine! Hands up anyone (ANYONE?) who expected me to write those words. Yup, as I thought. 

But it has been a revelation. Check out Lumin for more information, I can't get enough.

That few minutes each evening has made a huge difference, not just to my skin (which hasn't looked this young in years lol) but the whole decompression period at the end of a day. It is so, so important to clear as much as possible out of my head before I hit the pillow at the end of the day. Without it, I'm restless and distracted - and it puts the next day on the back foot. 

But with it, my word, I'll hit tomorrow absolutely rolling. I can't believe how much of a difference it genuinely makes. It is black and white, day and night. I'll feel like I can take on the world, and at least put up a very inteersting fight!

So in the rush and the push for spontaneity, don't forget the importance of getting the basics right. Cos from a solid basis, the stars are your limit.

Till tomorrow, Tom

Day 55 - Love your life

13 years ago today (maybe yesterday) I started at Simon Carves. Zero engineering experience, freshly finished PhD just about in the bag and no idea what the future was going to bring. I often talk about how lucky I am to love my job, and the opportunities it gives me. I also am aware of the good luck which I have been blessed with which has resulted in me (more of than not) to be in the right place at the right time to take advantage of those opportunities. 

There were many times during the years when I was (often without realising) teetering on a knife edge between two choices. And I have been so fortunate that almost every time I have ended up coming down on the right side. But I'm also proud of what has been achieved so far, and I'm proud of how hard I work to continue to achieve things. During my school and university days it is fair to say I was "efficient" - just doing the bare minimum to achieve what I needed to achieve to reach the next step. Don't let work get in the way of fun.

But as I've got older and matured I've started to realise a real sense of worth in doing things properly, to deliver more than people expect or than you've promised. If there is one thing I try to take pride in daily at work then it is the attention to detail and the quality of product I put out (OK, that's two things!). It is important to take that pride in what you do, it helps you to enjoy it and also fills you with a greater sense of satisfaction. That comes from Mum and Dad and I thank you both for instilling that in me, over a longer period of time than maybe you meant it too!

So that is today's takeaway. "A job well done is its own reward" they say. And I see what "they" mean. If you can enjoy something and take pride in it so much that you WANT it to be well done, then that is the real reward. You love what you do, and want to keep doing it better. We can spend upwards of 50 years our life working. I hope you get as lucky as I do in finding a career (and hobbies too) that you want to succeed at, that you love to do and that you take great pride in.

Just an update on my charity drive. I've been neglecting to mention them in my blog but I've got 5 (by tomorrow it'll be 6) great charities that I want to tell you and about and that I hope you can help me in supporting. 

I'll make that the subject of tomorrow's blog as I won't have too much time to think of something else. I'm off to the airport to collect my dad and then head back over to BR. Tomorrow night is New Orleans so Sunday's blog will be telling you all about the delights of the Big Easy!

Till tomorrow, Tom