Day 37 - A good ramble

Day 37. Just over 5 weeks since I started this great adventure - almost exactly 10% of the way through my assignment. 

And I've got nothing to say. 

Admittedly an 11 hour working day will do that to you and I pretty much burned up my grey-matter allowance for the week today. 

So in keeping with a lot of my blogs I'm just going to start writing and see where I end up. No plan, no editing, just empty my brain and pick the bones (hopefully none!) out of what ends up on the table - metaphorically.

In some respects my time here has passed so quickly. In others it feels like I can't remember being home. Though that might be because the three weeks I spent at home were amongst the hardest I have ever been through. Looking back it doesn't seem real, it feels like I watched someone else's life for that period of time. 

But when I look at where I am five weeks after arriving I'm amazed I fit it all in. I've touched on this before, but time really does play silly buggers with us on occasion. Who knows what else will have changed in the next five weeks? 

That lack of pre-cognition at least keeps things interesting. As much as it might be great to know what greets us just around the river bend (oh that has just given me a great idea for another blog post!) sometimes it is the excitement of not knowing that drives us forward. 

I have no idea where I will be in days, weeks, months, years. No-one does. You think you do. You plan. You strategise. You line up your ducks as you want them. And then they f*ck off in multiple different directions. Little assh*les. Never assume you have life figured out, because life finds a way to prove you don't. 

But life isn't about figuring it out, not really. It is not about the smooth ride. It is not about the destination. It is about the bumpy journey. The ups and the downs. It is about having everything you thought you knew taken away. But at the same time presenting you with another opportunity if you are brave enough. Sometimes it might turn out to be a terrible opportunity in hindsight, but you've got to take those leaps otherwise you'll never know. And then it is on to the next.

I used to believe I had complete control over my life. I now know, that simply isn't true. 

All I can control is moments. Individual moments. Hopefully those moments add up to something more substantial, but the second you put all your eggs in that basket you are doomed. You simply don't have all the information to control the chaos.

Moments are all I think any of us can realistically hope to control whilst retaining some semblance of sanity. So embrace that uncertainty. Grab the fact that you have no idea what is coming with both hands and cling on for the ride. What is your alternative?

Till tomorrow, Tom