A Year to The Day

I just realized that it's a year to the day (+/- 1 day) since I last posted on this blog. I could blame COVID but really I've struggled. It's hard being away and it's hard not having that sense of security. I still feel like it is all a bit temporary, and a few health issues haven't helped things.

Anyway, I treated myself to a very stupid birthday present - which will form the basis of my blog over the next few weeks until I've done it. Probably not every day (and I'm in Korea next week I think so I won't be doing much then) but I intend to keep it semi-regular.

So, enough of the expense. I am going to attempt the 6000+ Hogwarts Castle Lego set. I picked it up on a nice little sale, fueled by some of my winnings from the ongoing Euros! Consisting of 37 individual bags of lego and 4 (yes, FOUR) instruction booklets we'll have to see how long it takes. The box is bigger than I expected to start with and it looks like this is going to really keep me entertained.

Day 1 - let's see how we get on!

Days 135 to 176 (I think) - Letting things out

I wrote the entire post below before in one go, then went away for an hour to do some chores. I came back and re-read it, and some of it seems a bit petty. But I am going to leave it here. I think it is cathartic and I think it is important to note that getting these things out helps. Plus a lot my frustrations don't become less valid on a re-read.

I don't expect sympathy, I don't expect empathy, I don't expect anything. It is what it is. Life is tough right now, but there are ways to make it easier. Ups and downs go together, are flatlines are generally a bad thing.

Till next time (hopefully soon),

Tom

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So much for daily, or even semi-regularly posts. 

The truth is my voice has been lost. 

I was hoping to show you the delights of the South, whilst giving myself an outlet for any creativity that might arrive. I also hoped to be travelling the country, as well as entertaining whichever visitors felt like stopping by. And I had so many plans for daddy-daughter time.

Even though we've been let out a bit more here in Baton Rouge, its still nothing like it was before. Most things of interest are closed and there is only so many food posts, drum posts and posts from inside breweries I can do. Plus, with the spiking cases I expect a regression in the next few weeks.

And my desire to write about other things is at rock bottom. 

I feel like I've said all I dare to say most of the time. This trip was started amongst the wreckage of my life and I have tried so so hard to remain positive, despite everything. There are good days, and there are excruciating days, when even getting out of bed feels like a loaded decision. It's harder and harder to write blogs without the negativity creeping in. But the safety valve needs to go off, I feel like it is a daily battle to keep under control. I want Katie to have a positive role model, but I also want her to understand that life isn't always easy - and it is frequently unfair. You need that balance.

A big problem is that it all seems so petty compared to what other people are going through in the world. And I'm aware that my demographic (white, male, straight) has comfortably the least to be complaining about. But that doesn't stop it being real, it doesn't stop my problems being valid. I know they are small when held against the framework of the world - but they still fucking exist. They still drive me slowly towards complete insanity, so they still need to be voiced.

So this post is the result. 

Missing Katie is a huge part of it, watching as her life changes almost daily and being so far away. Parenting from a distance is the hardest thing ever, and I'm terrified that I'm going to be essentially redundant far earlier than I expected to be! I'm missing everything, and it hurts. 

It hurts more seeing other people who don't have to function like this - but don't realise how lucky they are to have the people they love so close. It feels like a slap in the face. I try so hard not to get angry, to try to empathise with what other people are going through. But it is hard. Those who don't want to make sacrifices shouldn't reap the benefits. 

The one thing about this trip that was always in the back of my mind, even before it became obvious I was coming over here single, was that at least home was close. Worst case, I could always be where I needed to be. Plus I'd have plenty here to keep me entertained on those days when the difficulties came to the boil. 

But it is systematically being taken, piece-by-piece, day-by-day.

My dad had to go home early, I've not hugged Katie for over 6 months, I've done zero travelling (and barely seen BR itself). 

I was so looking forward to Katie's birthday, I even dragged myself up at 2am to see her open her presents. But in amongst a zoo of other people I didn't manage to snatch more than maybe 10-15 minutes with her. Maybe 2 of which were at full concentration. I suspect it would be little different at home now that she's 12, but at least we'd be in the same room.

Father's Day was similar, something else I was planning to be around for taken away. For someone in my situation Father's Day means a lot to me. At the end of the day, I've already missed 6 years of Katie's life, and it won't be long before she doesn't need me anymore. So I treasure every single one. And I wasn't there. 

Even non-personal things like St. Patrick's Day, 4th July etc. have been ruined. Opportunities to get out, experience this country, meet people and begin to rebuild this phase of my life are just not available. Slowly, methodically, every reason why being here would be tolerable is being stripped away.

My birthday is in 10 days and I think a part of this melancholic introspection is coming from that. I turn 40 and (though age is just a number) humans are unavoidably drawn towards milestones (even those derived purely arbitrarily by ourselves). You don't see many "Happy 39th" cards around. When we as a society make a big deal of it, it becomes a big deal.

And you can't help but take stock and look back - especially when you have so much time to yourself. What did I imagine my life to be like at 40, and it is close? I had no life plan really, so it is hard to say it hasn't gone to plan! Bits are great, bits are awful. 

But you really do to start to second-guess yourself. 

Obviously I'm doing something wrong when it comes to certain things, otherwise I wouldn't be in the situation I am in - trying to put the pieces back together again without any real idea of what the jigsaw looks like. What did I do so wrong that left things the way they sit today? What about me is it that I'm sat here on my own questioning where I slipped up? 

I try every day to be a good person (and I know I haven't always managed this) but sometimes I wonder why I bother. Sometimes this world seems to reward those who just take what they want, those who just pretend to care about others. I appreciate people's priorities don't line up with mine all the time, but basic human decency should be on everyone's list. I look around at where I am and sometimes wonder if I'd be better off with that attitude. 

But that is not the right attitude. The world is close to anarchy, close to the edge. And that kind of selfish thinking has gotten us here, and won't get us out of this mess. 

So we go on. We grind against the unfairness of life, the karmic imbalance that seems to reward the wrong behaviour. And we look for the positives, the rays of sunlight, the moments to cherish. They are there, they just need some finding sometimes.

Day 78 - Read the instructions

Really good first weekend in the lockdown. Managed to get out to do a bit of shopping but generally spent it in the company of friends. Sunday carried on the theme of Saturday really. I caught up with Katie again, this time as she was doing one of her Christmas craft packs. She's got (or at least had before there was a mass cull) literally dozens of these lying around the bedroom. From "knit your own" scarves to science projects and slime kits through geology kits and "do-it-yourself" crafts.

Today's episode of Katie Crafts (her idea, but I'm running with it as a brand now) was making lip balm. It is so good seeing her embracing the creative side of things during this lockdown instead of resorting to the easy route out of being glued to some sort of electronic device. 

Way too many kids already spend a lot of time on their devices and I think it behoves us all as adults to bring back a sense of creativity and ingenuity. We've got a good chance to break the cycle here, don't take the easy route out. Now of course it is easy for me to say that as I'm on my own over here and you are likely having to deal with your kids and their boredom level 24/7 - but I'll swap you in a heartbeat. I'd take a year of having to keep Katie entertained full time over being on my own and free to indulge my own interests. Don't take it for granted.

Speaking of interests, my exciting new hobby arrived Friday - a bonsai treen starter kit. Imagine my excitement in opening the box, checking the contents, reading the little manual on how to do it. Now imagine the look on the face at instruction 6 - "within 2-3 years your tree will be ready for training"! TWO TO THREE YEARS!!! Talk about a long term investment, I could go get another degree in that time. Still, true investments take time to come to fruition. Things that are worth having don't come easy and you can't shy away when the going gets tough. So the seeds are soaking and the first step in the cycle has begun. Please check back in 2-3 years for further results!!

A couple of other new hobbies are on the horizon too. All I'll say is be glad I'm 4000 miles away and you can't hear me. Oh my neighbours are going to hate me. They might even stop their nighttime adventures long enough to complain. I hope they do lol.

Till tomorrow, Tom

Days 76&77 - Find a way

I'm writing this at 11pm after one of those unexpected days that help to remind you of the power of communication and the benefits of making that connection. My Friday was pretty uneventful, working from home and generally just trying to stay sane in amongst the complete madness of what is happening here.

Saturday on the other hand, was just awesome. 

Firstly, my daughter scared the living daylights out of me at about 5am by sending a message to my Echo - "Daddy are you up?". I don't think anything has made me move as quick in years! 

In her defence, I did tell her on Friday night that she could call me 24/7 and I'd always be there. However for context, I've been away for 77 days now and I can safely say that she has called me out of choice about twice. The rest of the time I've had to employ the trick of getting Nat to make her do it! So it was nice, if unexpected.

We then spent the next 4-5 hours hanging out. She baked banana bread (didn't save me any) and then put this awesome 3D Eiffel Tower jigsaw together. I might have dozed off a couple of times (but not for long). I contributed nothing to either the baking or the jigsaw, but I loved every second of it.

The finished product

It was amazing. 

It just shows that this virus lockdown is no reason not to spend time with those you love. With a bit of willpower and a pinch of initiative there is NO excuse that I'll accept for not reaching out and making those memories. 

There is no reason not to be there, even in spirit. We are 4000 miles away and still managed to hang out - for longer than we used to do when I was home probably! 

And if that wasn't enough the afternoon was mainly taken up with a lads afternoon! A few beers and some great chat, ranging from the virus itself through craft beer, "classic era" WWF/E and Lego Batmobiles. 

For those who haven't given it a go yet, I'd thoroughly recommend the HouseParty app. Pretty much just a simple video chat app but it allowed me, Dan, Gareth and Baz to catch up from four locations pretty much seamlessly - despite a minor overheating issue with my phone and Cadman's inability to keep himself in our shots!

I hadn't realised how much I had missed that interaction. How nice it was just to drink some beers and put the world to rights. We take for granted these people in our lives and we shouldn't. 

My hope is that this virus will change the way the world thinks, for the better. 

It will remind us that everything is fleeting and you never know when it might be gone. But it will also show us that this shouldn't be seen as a bad thing, instead it should be a daily reminder to seize the day. It should be the incentive to live more in the here and now. 

We worry so much about the future, and have so little control over it. But the present, well, the present is something you can influence, something you can shape. So embrace it, mould it, shape it to your will. If you think about doing something, go do it. If you miss someone, call them. If you want to spend time with people you are isolated from, find a way. 

That's the key to all of this. Excuses are easy. Don't hide behind them. Don't use them as an "out". Take some responsibility. Own it. Grasp the nettle.

FIND. A. WAY.

Till tomorrow, Tom

Day 73 - A bit of a mish mash

Today's blog doesn't really have any theme or direction to it. I've noticed that most of my recent ones have (quite rightly) focused on the coronavirus and the almost overwhelming sense of helplessness I've been feeling this far away from home, and those I love. 

It has been so difficult, watching developments back home and not being able to do much about it. I know you can't do it all now, but there should be no reason not to spend time with those that you love, those that you care about. Friends and family. Don't neglect them, don't take them for granted, make that call. Being 4000 miles away sucks at times, don't use smaller distances as an excuse. It frustrates me when I see people not taking opportunities that not all of us have (for whatever reason).

Anyway, now that I'm locked down for the next 3 weeks (minimum) there was a real worry that I'd continue on the same vein and forget the purpose of this blog - to stay in contact with folks and give them some insight into life in the USofA. 

Once this clears I'll be back on the road again and hopefully giving you a broader sense of what it is like down here on the banks of Old Blue. But form now I hope you'll indulge me some "me me me" time as I take you through what life looks like for Doctor Tom at the moment!

I've not managed to quite keep up with my 5 things I wanted to do, primarily as two of them involved being outside. But I have still been trying new things (and trying to re-invigorate old things) as I've been pottering along.

Spanish

I've been at this for a while now and I'm getting competent enough to be able to read bits in Spanish magazines and newspapers. Which is nice. Only bits though, and my vocabulary is still woefully short of poor even! But I can pick up sentence structure and I'm beginning to get the hang of written Spanish too. The big test is obviously going to come once I get out and about and begin to meet people who speak it. That'll come after the virus clears.

Gym/Yoga

The gym is closed now. But I've readjusted and got myself a daily exercise routine - plus a couple of runs a week. The weight is coming off slower than it did at the start but I'm losing inches all round (well, not ALL around) so that's good. I've also recently taken up yoga with the brilliant Adriene. I'm doing the 30 days of Yoga one at the moment and am already noticing the difference in flexibility. Though my knees do make noises they never used to!

Take up a new hobby

I have a couple of exciting developments on the way here. 

As well as becoming a full-on 3D jigsaw addict (check out Winterfell now, the main castle is done) I'm soon to be frustrating my neighbours as I try to learn to play the piano. I've got no music talent whatsoever, but what the hell eh? Problem is that the delivery is delayed for coronavirus so it might be a few weeks before it arrives. As long as I can play something recognisable by the time I come back I'll consider it a success. Hopefully you may even get a Katie/Daddy duet when I get good enough - but not yet.

The other one is a secret. Till it arrives on Saturday. Can't give all my secrets away in one blog. But I will give you a hint. Think small. And cute. And no, it's not a pet.

Challenges
Two 10km runs done. And I'm itching for another one. But I'll have to wait until the virus looks like it is clearing up before I commit to anything serious. And the sky-dive is still on. As soon as I can confirm the date I'll be after money for Christie. So be prepared :-) I'm still hopefully I can get 6-10 in this year, but again we'll see.

Other post virus stuff
Once I'm allowed out again I've got even more irons in the fire. I've joined the Baton Rouge Sunday Social Running Club (here), just waiting to get out now. And I've got plans to join a few of the local disk golfers for a round or two. Plus when sport comes back I've got my eyes on a baseball/softball league and a bit of over-40s soccer when I finally pass the milestone.

So despite everything, life is busy. In these uncertain times it is the best way to be. It hurts to dwell on the past, so I'm trying not to. And the future has so much going for it. Can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.

Till then, Tom

Days 66,67,68 - Survive the isolation

My whole plan to do a blog every day has kind gone out now the window recently. However this is my attempt to get myself back on track. I'm covering three in one and then I'll be back to doing this daily. Obviously my plan to show you around the delights of Texas and Louisiana is a bit scuppered by the latest developments - and no-one should be surprised that I'm maybe the only person who can come for a year to the USA and spend possibly 6 months of it quarantined or unable to go out properly. I don't want pity, but a quick look at the last couple of years doesn't show me to be the kind of person you'd bet on to get lucky on the toss of a coin.

This virus is taking its toll on the world already. I've no doubt we'll come out of it but the world may be changed beyond recognition. There will be some many businesses that go, so many habits that change and so many things we take for granted that might need re-assessing for the long term. I'm not going to lie, it is scary. And very lonely being so far away from those that I love. Watching from a distance is always the hardest thing, and not being able to be there for Katie when she needs me.

But you must try to look for slivers of light in any shadow, because they are always there. Perhaps this enforced change of pace might allow us to take more time for ourselves, more time to spend on less hectic and intense pursuits. There is also the possibility that it drives people farther into social isolation and more frequently (if possible) onto their devices. However I choose to believe that this will encourage people to find more ways of staying engaged with each other - for the sake of companionship rather than ease or laziness. And there are individual activities that we can do as well to keep ourselves entertained during this difficult time, some internal but also some external. 

I've not included obvious stuff like Netflix binge or PS4 nights as I'm trying to expand my horizons, but I have put together Tom's 10 Point Zombie Apocalypse Survival Guide of Coolish Things to Do. Or, to give it a better acronym, TTPZASGOCTTD:

1) Learn a language. I've been full steam ahead learning Spanish on Duolingo and it is a great way to pass the time and pick up a new skill. I'd recommend getting a verb book as well (I picked up this one from Amazon) because Duolingo isn't quite as structured as it could be. But I've picked up loads in the last few months and it has been relatively easy to do so with just 10-15 minutes each night.

2) Listen to a book. Those who know me know I'm a pretty avid reader. But now might be the time to jump on Audible and grab something different to keep you entertained. I listen to Audible at work, in the car, in then gym, whilst doing chores and it makes the time pass very nicely.

3) Yoga. I've just signed up for this (Day 1 is tomorrow) so I'll let you know how it goes. A good way to start the day if the gym is no longer an option. Plus if you twin it with a little work-out blast in the evening (see below) you'll be invigorating body morning and night.

4) Jigsaws/Puzzles. Another way to keep the mind active is jigsaws and puzzles. Everyone has one lying around the house somewhere, or if not you can get one delivered in by Amazon (amongst others) if you need to keep your social distance. I've been hammering through Nonograms most nights and they help to both keep the mind busy and also defrag from the busy work days.

5) Movie night. There are a whole host of movie projectors going on places like Amazon for less than $100. Grab one, WhatsApp Video (or FaceTime) your mates and you can recreate those cinema trips despite the current social isolation. And no-one is going to steal your popcorn either!

6) Correspondence Games. Not everyone's cup of tea but there are loads of websites where you can go find yourself a partner for a spot of chess (amongst other games). What used to be done by letter over a period of months can now be played almost instantly through the magic of the Internet. But try and find one with humans on the other end so you can keep the grey matter intact and interact at the same time.

7) Set yourself a physical challenge. There are millions out there. Literally. Go find one and use the time at home to work through it. I've got this one on the go at the moment. It's helping with my back pain and also trying to get my abs back to pre-2000 levels. Not eating out and having a beer in the bar at night also helps!

8) Bonsai! That's right. The Japanese art of cultivating mini-trees is perfect for those days and nights in. Mine is on the way. I'll keep you posted with how I get on but don't hold your breathe - I've never been particularly green fingered.

9) Plan a trip. It won't be like this forever. Plan a trip. Plan two trips. But be adventurous. Don't just pick a simple 2 weeks all-inclusive in Mexico. Go big. Travel Coast-to-Coast. Walk the Great Wall. Hike the Andes. Throw all your imagination into the biggest adventure you can think of. You might even get to do it if you save all your pennies.

10) Do something spontaneous. Go find your own and let me know in the comments.

Safe safe, love each other and remember what is important.
Till tomorrow, Tom

Day 30 - Keep it rolling

The hardest part about setting out on a path, is keeping on in when you hit that first bump in the road. I guess you could argue that the trick is to avoid those bumps as best you can - then you'll never have to recover from a bump!

10 miles before Breakfast

Today was one of those days. I had a really good weekend, and woke up this morning full of beans and ready to roll. I probably shouldn't have checked my email first thing - the problem about being 6 hours behind a lot of your work colleagues means a clear inbox when you leave in the evening is rarely so when you arrive back in the next day. 

But outside that I hit today (and the gym, twice in fact) full of energy, which is so important when you are trying to develop good habits. God knows I picked up enough bad ones quickly enough over the last few months and years, so it is vital to give yourself every possibility of picking up good ones. It takes willpower and, more importantly, a reason to want to. A reason to fight yourself when the inevitable opportunity arises to "just skip today". 

Late night stretches

Now I appreciate it is really easy to say that today. Today was day one of my post-run exercise regime - call it about day 12/13 of my overall plan. 

It is also day 30 of blogging (almost) every 24 hours. And day 5 of learning Spanish. These seem small victories, nothing to be proud of really. 

But they are things to be proud of. They are victories, and all victories count. And little breeds bigger.

Every journey has a first step as they say. And a second. They say the first one is the hardest, but maybe that isn't actually the case. Maybe, sometimes, it is that metaphorical second step that can be a bit harder. The one that comes once the euphoria has worn off. The one that follows the honeymoon period. The one when you realise that this isn't a phase, or a fad. 

This is it. The one that really matters. The one that pushes you from something you are trying, to something you are committed to being part of your routine. And every step you take from here becomes easier. Every step is you travelling the path, not trying to find it. And that is so so important. 

You've got to give yourself the best possible opportunity to succeed. The best chance of just quieting that voice in your head. The one we all have. The one that offers the "easy" way out. But nothing worth pushing yourself for should ever be easy, at least not until you've got a few steps down that path. 

Take that second step. Keep rolling. That's the journey we should all strive for.

Till tomorrow, Tom

PS - I feel you back home with Storm Ciara

Day 29 - Tempus Fugit

Not a great deal to talk about tonight. Was hoping to have my pictures from the run but they haven't come through yet. In the meantime though, please have a look at the donation page and spare anything you can for this amazing charity. 

I did manage to get all my weekend jobs done though (shopping, ironing, washing, meal prepping etc.) so heading to bed quite satisfied after a successful few days. But that being said it is amazing how quickly the weekend passes. Even with two relatively relaxing days I still always hit Sunday evening with that feeling of being short of hours to get absolutely EVERYTHING I want to do in. 

In fact time generally passes pretty quickly these days. I've been in the USA for nearly a full calendar month now, and in Baton Rouge for a couple of weeks. Pancake Day is getting here soon, and we've got Mardi Gras here in Louisiana to look forward too. Good job we've got that extra day in February to fit it all in.

Coming up fast on the rails is the spring time. It's already starting to reach into the 20s here (degC obviously) and by all accounts it won't be long before the typical long, hot, humid months are upon us here in Baton Rouge. 

Looking beyond that there is still so much more to do this year - but I'm already only a few weeks away from my first visitor. From then it won''t be long till Katie is on the way over. 

My trips towards the end of last year really dragged. I think it is because I wasn't enjoying them and was focusing too much on the fact that I wanted to be somewhere else. Now though, I'm enjoying being here and so the time is passing much more quickly. 

Obviously it is not quite the perfect scenario as there are people not here who I'd love to have here, but the speed that time appears to be travelling at is definitely a sign of things being in a better place than they were. 

So it seems to me that the choice is to watch time drag as you waste it. Or make your week productive, make it full of love, make it stand out from the ordinary. And watch that time fly by as you make those memories that make it all worthwhile.

Tempus fugit.

Carpe diem.

Till tomorrow, Tom

Day 23 - The Extraordinary

So I have only just finished my previous blog. One I sat down to write full of frustration. Sometimes I forget how raw everything still is, and sometimes I just have those days when I can't believe what is happening. Not what has happened, I've come to terms with that. But there are other things that are truly baffling, that fly against everything that has come before. They contradict everything you've been told and all you thought you knew.

It's funny sometimes, when it isn't just plain bizarre.

However it is amazing how writing things down and getting them out can really help to make sense of that mess of emotions, that bizarre jumble of weirdness that doesn't seem real.

I know my sister finds it easier to get things out when it comes to my mum and I find blogging a great way to unload. It helps me to get things out, to place them in a different context and to start to understand them a bit better. I mean, some things simply aren't explainable, but it is certainly easier to try when they aren't in my head.

Often I'll write a blog three or four times before I publish. Sometimes I'll get one out in 5 minutes flat. I've read a few of them back and can barely remember writing them! However I've never felt worse after writing one. They are honestly great for promoting positivity, encouraging me to look forward, and reminding me that the world (and very often the people in it) are often a complete enigma.

But enigmas are great. They are borne from magic, mystery, legend, the extraordinary. And who doesn't love the extraordinary?

Speaking of the extraordinary, did you know that 54 years ago today the Soviet lander Luna 9 became the first spacecraft to achieve a survivable landing on the celestial body? Just think about that, less than 60 years ago we managed to drop a spacecraft onto a foreign body for the first time. Look at how much (for good and for bad) the human race has achieved in less than 60 years. 

It is amazing what we are capable of with the right stimuli. With the right direction and the right focus there really is nothing we are not capable of. It's hard sometimes, when the world appears to be spinning on a different axis to the one you thought, but look in the right (often very different) places and you'll see the magical everywhere. You'll find things that you didn't know you were looking for when the mind is clear and decluttered.

So I'd encourage everyone to take sideways look at things every now and then. Try and find a new angle, a new perspective, a new context. Looking at things from a new point of view won't always help them to make sense. But however you do it, changing your perspective regularly shows us the extraordinary - which is what we are all here for in the end.

Till tomorrow, Tom

PS - Apologies for the lack of pictures/videos. Will be back on it tomorrow.

Day 11 - Nothing to say?

Odd day today as the video will described in a bit more detail. First real feeling of isolation, though making that video in itself was a big help. 

Drifting towards not only the weekend but the end of the month. Amazing how quickly time seems to pass as you get older. I'm sure when I was a kid a month lasted an eternity, and everything seemed so far in the distant future.

I usually find myself with a lot more time when I'm away, disconnected from the day-to-day of family life. Even when I was single in the past I always felt like I had much more time away than at home. Maybe it's because you have a very simple set of tasks to do per day - especially when living out of a hotel. 

So I've been doing some research and I've come up with a few goals I want to achieve before I come back. This is not the total list but these are targets I'ds like to hit in terms of activities/hobbies etc. I'll be doing my challenges on top of this, I've just received a big list from a work colleague of things to do in and around BR (cheers Brian C) and there are other goals around health and fitness too. 

I tend to find myself taking much more accountability for things when I formally document things, especially as I expect you lot to take me task if I don't. So here goes:

1) I will take up and maintain a hobby/activity that requires me to be outside once a week;

2) I will take up and maintain a hobby/activity that requires interaction with other human beings once a week;

3) I will devote one full night a week to no electronics

4) I will devote one full night a week to learning a new language

5) I will explore a new city at least once a month

Obviously this involves a big time commitment but I can't wait to get started. 

I've already got a few ideas for (1) and (2) but feel free to leave other suggestions in the comments.

In the meantime please enjoy the view looking East as the sun begins to set, and a picture of me in "chipmunk" mode!

Till tomorrow,
Tom

Tempus Fugit

The Romans had a phrase, “Tempus Fugit” which simply means “time flies”.  They weren’t wrong were they?

Another year has begun and I don’t know why but they seem to come thicker and faster as you get older. I remember waiting what seemed like an eternity for the next birthday to come along, now they turn up almost before you’ve recovered from the previous one!

Everything seems to happen quicker, with less time for recovery in between. You look down at your calendar to find a spare weekend and there isn’t one. You can’t find the time for 30 minutes in the evening to go for a run.

In truth though, the time IS there. We just fill it poorly. Every person’s life is a combination of positive endeavour, responsibility and futile procrastination. It is the balance between these elements that is the difficult thing to strike.

How many times have you said to yourself recently, “I’d love to do that but I just don’t have the time”? And how many times has it that actually been the case? By that I mean a genuine lack of time not, “I need to procrastinate on the sofa tonight” or “well I could do this but I need to have a look at Facebook for an hour”.  

This is where the time goes I think. It gets frittered away on things which in all honesty don’t excite us or drive us on. We just do them because they are there and they don’t require any “extra” effort. You COULD go for a run tonight, or you could not. So you don’t. Because it is easier. Then you blame “lack of time”. The cycle can actually be quite devastating.

Obviously I am making sweeping generalisations here, based on a life which is relatively free of the burden of responsibility at the moment. I do appreciate that there are some things that do make real demands on your time; I know as I’m slowly learning myself how much time helping to raise a 6 year old takes up!

But ask yourself, deep down, do  you make full use of the time you have available to you? Should they take up as much of your time up as they do. Or can you use the time better?

There are times when I know I am wasting time, times when I could be doing something but choose not to under the cover of “there isn’t time. And I’m pretty active in terms of using my time to see and do things compared to most. There is still more that can be done, and you’d be amazed at how much time there actually is if you are determined enough to see it done.

It can be scary to get out of a comfort zone, and it can be difficult to get out of a rut. Having adult responsibilities can be draining and exhausting. However, you owe it to yourself to push yourself. Just that one extra thing a week that you don’t think you’ve got time for? Try and make the time.

Because time does fly. It also waits for no man, so you’d better get a move on and track it down.

Till next time,

DT

A case of over-exposure?

The world seems to be falling apart. Everywhere you look there is something going wrong. People fighting with each other over ideologies or plots of land (or both) while the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. Some estimates say that nearly 1/2 of the world's population — more than 3 billion people — live on less than $2.50 a day. Yet there are some 1,645 people in the world classed as billionaires. It can be depressing if you think about it.

But is the world getting worse, or are we simply able to see more of the world's problems? 

24 hour rolling news means that you are never short of the news. And the need to keep these channels on the air 24 hours a day has resulted in more and more stories that were probably deemed to not be newsworthy 15 years ago being picked apart at length. As the most "compelling" stories (to use a popular phrase from a well-known 24 news channel) tend not to be happy ones we seem to be bombarded with constant reminders that the world is, in fact, going to hell.

And it may very well be going to hell. There certainly does seem to be enough problems to go around two or three times over. But it is probably incorrect to assume that the world is definitively worse off than it was, say, 40 years ago. Since the early 20th Century we have seen two huge World Wars, a Cold War which could have sparked at any time and the Nuclear Arms Race. Now that sounds like trouble.

Contrastingly, from about 2007 onwards, the "Doomsday Clock" (the symbolic device which predicts how close we are to a potential global catastrophe) has actually been held pretty stable at around 23:55 (Doomsday being set at midnight). 

Hence, while it is possible that the world is getting worse, it seems much more likely that we are simply being over-exposed to its problems on a more regular basis. And the biggest problem about this over-exposure is that it seems to be heavily biased in favour of bad news, as I mentioned before. 

Yet there are fantastic, GOOD things happening out there every day, all over the world. Sure it often seems harder to finder the good than the bad but if you go looking for them I promise you will find them.

So next time you look up at the news and it seems that something else is going wrong with the world, how about this for a plan? Go find something, anything, that makes you smile. Something that makes you remember that the world is not all about wars, poverty and inequality. Something that reminds you, even for a short while, that it's not 24 hour bad news out there. 

Till next time,
DT 

It's obvious when you look back

20:20 hindisight. Everyone has it. The ability to look back on something and realise that maybe it wasn't such a good idea after all. Or the opposite, to look back and realise that in actual fact you should have done that when you had the chance. It's amazing how obvious things can seem after the event. To the point where you genuinely can't understand how you didn't spot it in the first place.

But, does 20:20 hindsight actually help though? Does it stop you making the same mistakes again and again? Because in the end that is the only real purpose it serves. It doesn't really help you fix what went wrong the last time, so all it can do is help you to not do the same thing again. Strange how often it doesn't do that though. It seems to be a moment of clarity amongst the fog of real life sometimes.

Since being diagnosed with bi-polar I've often found myself employing 20:20 hindsight with staggering clarity. Looking back it was all quite obvious really. Although it was suggested as a possible condition in the past it was never seriously explored. But why not I wonder? It explains such large chunks of my life.

It explains the fluctuating moods and, to some extent, the strange periods of behaviour. The frequent blocks of mania (some may say obsession) interspersed with those of being a seriously anti-social and (quite unpleasant at times) prat never seemed to fit but now I can see how they do. It becomes quite obvious looking at it from this side of time.

So does this clarity after the event help to prepare for the next event? Well at the moment it doesn't seem to unfortunately, which is kind of the point I was trying to get too here. I feel we don't really learn from our past experiences enough. I for one seem to be terrible at noticing signs and predicting what is coming.

The worst cases surrounded my bowel conditions which for a long time was one big cycle of; let it build up, realise it had got bad, suffer horrendously while it got fixed, promise never to let it get that bad again; and repeat. I know it drove people to despair and I know it pushed people away, why was I so unable to see the cycle?

Even now, despite me sitting here and saying that looking back I can now understand some of what happened to me and why, I can guarantee that there will be moments in the future when I just don't see things coming. Things I have seen before plenty of times and things which, when I get on the other side, will seem staggeringly obvious.

Is it just me? Probably not. But that doesn't stop it being any less frustrating. The key to mistakes and difficulties is to learn from them and make sure we don't end up in situations that we don't want to be in again. It is getting better, I am starting to learn a bit each time I go through a down-cycle. But I'm a long way from converting that perfect hindsight into 20:20 foresight.

Till next time,
DT

Caught in a loop

Have you ever noticed that the same ideas keep coming round in your head? The same thoughts, the same concepts. Often they are subtly different but sometimes it is just the same thing looping round and round and round. I came to write my blog tonight and the first five topics I thought about have all been done at some point in the not too distant past.

It's not as if the world is short of things to write about either. I just seem to keep returning to the same things over and over again. I suppose it is the human brain equivalent of some kind of feedback loop, once you start thinking about one thing you are always drawn back to it. There is one particular drinking game (the Name Game) - some of the rules have been semi-nicked from here - that showcases this phenomenon quite accurately.

Everybody sits in a circle and someone starts by saying the name of someone famous, or pretty close to being famous as far as those people are concerned.

The next person says a name that starts with the first letter of the last name of the previous name. For example,

 
    Mel Brooks
        |
        Bart Simpson
             |
             Steve Redgrave
                   |
                   Richard Burton 
                           |
                           Bill Clinton
                                |
                                Chris Brown

If a player can't think of a name IMMEDIATELY, they must drink for the DURATION until they can think of an appropriate name.

Now you'd be amazed how difficult it is at this point to think of some whose first name begins with a B and who isn't either Bill Clinton or Bart Simpson! Why? Why does the brain get locked into this loop whereby all you can think of is TWO people in the whole world whose first name begins with a B.

I'm sure there is some very technical psychological terms for this behvaiour but, short of that, I'm going to describe this as a teeny bit bizarre. The mind has got locked into a weird loop and (maybe as you are under pressure and/or quite boozed) it reverts back to its short term memory and tries to drag stuff up from there. Maybe I'm talking crap, but it seems a pretty reasonable explanation!

Well that is pretty much what has been going on in my head everytime I've tried to think of a blog post recently. I'm putting it down to the need for a holiday but who knows what is actually going on up there. All I know is that I can guarantee within a few weeks I'll be thinking "why don't I write a blog about how difficult it is to write original posts". The whole cycle will happily repeat itself over and over it seems.

On the plus side I have just about managed to write a blog post about the fact that I can't think of anything new to write about, so maybe the old grey matter isn't as useless as I'm giving it (lack of) credit for!

Till next time,
DT

Working it out

Apologies for most of my current and future posts being in some way related to, or inspired by, the World Cup. I basically spent my time at the moment doing three things; working, eating and watching the football. I'm still attempting sleep but it might be one of those things I just accept I can't get the hang of!

Today's moment of inspiration came while watching the Spanish fail miserably to muster any sort of defence of their World Cup. The same Spain that have basically beaten all comers for the past eight years. They haven't changed much - yeah they are a touch older but surely that isn't the whole story? So what is the difference?

It appears to be good old fashioned evolution, though on a slightly quicker timescale. Other teams have worked out how they play and adapted to cope. Spain have stood still and everyone else has caught them up and overtaken them. In a relatively short space of time as well. It is a trait that never ceases to amaze me in our species.

Our speed of adaptability, the pace at which we process information and the way we problem solve is truly staggering. As I move into the next phase of my career I see it more and more often now - the process of assimilating data, formulating potential answers, testing those theories and then implementing the desired solution. We don't always get it right but our adaptability and ingenuity sometimes really does leave me amazed. 

I wrote a post awhile ago bemoaning our inability to come up with new things and new ideas, instead preferring to rehash old ideas. I think a large part of that is still true and I suspect looking back that my frustration came more from a sense of knowing what we CAN achieve, but seem unable or unwilling to do so. The speed of thought and the scale of imagination are really quite spectacular when we feel the need or the inclination.

The trick with all these things is obviously to make sure you identify the correct problems to solve, and then don't be afraid to innovate, improvise and adapt. With that as the approach, we can probably work pretty much anything out. Certainly you don't want to be the ones caught standing still and watching.

Till next time,

DT

The simplest ideas are the best

There were six of us sat around the table in the bar watching the Brazil v Croatia game on Thursday night. The game was pottering along quite aimlessly until the first direct free kick was given - and we all turned an looked at each other. Absolute genius.

The game of football has been around in an organised manner for about 150 years or so. In all that time players have taken every opportunity to try and take an advantage when it comes to free kicks; moving the ball, encroaching within the ten yards etc...

Yet in about 5 seconds that was ended forever with possibly the simplest and yet greatest innovation football has come up with in quite a while. Yep, better than goal line techonology, better than the back-pass rule, better than 3 points for a win. Okay I'm possibly slight over-exaggerating here but you get my point.

A can of shaving foam, a couple of lines drawn on the ground in 5 secs flat and all debate has gone. That is your mark, in front of that and you get booked. That is where the ball is to be played from, move it and you get booked. Absolute genius! FIFA do not get my vote of confidence very often (if ever) but what a cracking idea.

It just proved that sometimes the simplest ideas really are the best. We spend so much time trying to be clever and innovative that we often don't notice the easiest solutions. Part of the issue comes from the fact that we often get distracted from what the problem we are trying to solve is. If we lose sight of that then we can end up with a convoluted answer to a question that wasn't actually the original question we asked.

So keep your thinking simple, work out what the problem ACTUALLY is and 9 times out of 10 I bet you come up with an idea that gets everyone thinking, "how on earth has no-one thought of that before?!" Genius doesn't have to be complicated, it just has to work.

Till next time,
DT

Featuring Doctor Tom

So I was asked by Jess (my sister's niece on her hubby's side of the family) to write a "guest post" to go on her blog that she has just started. If you have 5 minutes please go and have a read of it, I'm sure she'd be delighted with (a) the extra traffic (b) the recommendation from such a legend as myself - oi, no laughing at the back!!

Link here

I was amazed but I actually found writing a blog which was aimed at teen/young adults to be an absolutely frightening to do. No idea why on Earth that would be the case but it was definitely much much harder than putting something together for my own on here. It was on a topic which I never usually have much trouble talking about but even so it didn't come easily.

It is frequently the case I guess that doing something for someone else can be much alarming than for ourselves. What if I let them down? What if they hate it? When you are only doing something for you then the dynamic feels different somewhat. It feels kind of like; this is for me, by me and the "aftermath" only concerns me. Obviously that isn't always the case but it is common enough I think. I also do appreciate that it is only a certain type of personalilty that experiences these moments but I still find it fascinating nonetheless.

So anyway, enough of my ramblings for tonight. Go have a read of Jess's blog when you have a chance and see if you can spot my post. I will be claiming royalties for everytime it gets read so go nuts please!! :-D

Till next time,
DT

Get practising those penalties

With the World Cup only two days away it seems the perfect time for me to throw some completely pointless predictions your way. Which is code for "I can't think of anything else to write about today but this is at least semi-relevant"!

So now I proudly present *drum roll please* Tom's Completely Unreliable (Seriously Don't Put Any Money On These) World Cup Predictions

WINNERS 
ARGENTINA
This Argentinian team has plenty going forward but is a bit suspect defensively. I've just got a feeling the magical Messi will finally light up a World tournament and Argentina will steal the biggest prize from right under their fiercest rivals noses.

RUNNERS UP
GERMANY
Ho-hum. Another World Cup, another ruthlessly efficient German side. Except this time they have real quality throughout and bags of experience. Never ever write the Germans off and particularly try to avoid going to penalties against them. Deadly.

LOSING SEMI FINALISTS
BRAZIL and SPAIN
Home advantage gets the Samba Boys as far as the Semi-Finals before they run into the might of the Germans and wilt under the pressure. Spain battle through a tough group but get undone by Messi and their winning run in major tournaments comes to an end.

WHERE DO ENGLAND GO OUT?
QUARTER FINALS
They battle to second in the group behind the Uruguayans and just about sneak past Columbia in the Second Round. However they meet the hosts in the Quarter Finals and go out in a similar manner to the 2002 World Cup, with a bit of a whimper as the heat catches up with them.

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENTS
NETHERLANDS, ITALY and PORTUGAL all fail to get out of tough groups. Netherlands get done over by the pace of Chile while Italy are ageing and can't slide past England and Uruguay. Portugal fall from the Group of Death as the USA sneak through to the Knockout Stages.

OVERACHIEVERS
CHILE get out of Group B in second after giving the Spanish a scare while BOSNIA finish second in Group F and get past the French, only to run into the Germans and exit at the Quarter Finals.

TOP GOAL SCORER
SERGIO AGUERO manages to stay fit for more than two days and benefits from everyone triple-marking Messi, who runs the show but lets someone else do the scoring.

OTHER TIDBITS
COSTA RICA and ALGERIA go home empty handed whilst only IVORY COAST and USA get out of the groups from outside Europe or South America.

So there you have it. A complete load of rubbish based on nothing but hunches, mis-information and terrible guesses. Except for the fact that England will not be featuring in the latter stages of this one, I reckon I can call that one now.

Till next time,
DT

It is often "who" not "what" that matters

I firmly believe that life is about experiences and creating memories. When all is said and done, your life essentially IS the sum of those experiences and memories you have gathered over the years. It is not the sum total of the possessions you own but rather the cumulative total of all the things you have seen and done. And that includes the good ones and the not-so-good ones equally. 

A huge part of these experiences and memories for me is the people that you choose to do these things with. The greatest experiences that I can look back on combine these elements of not just "what" but "who". After all it is other people and our interactions with them which drive most of our day-to-day lives. Whether it is people you work with, people you spend time with or people you glimpse into the lives other (both fictional and non-fictional).

I can be personally guilty of being very insular and particular isolated sometimes. I'm not going to lie, some days I don't want to see another single human being. It is not necessarily because I don't like other people but simply that occasionally it is OK to do things on your own. A big part of my life recently has been working out what things I would like to share with people and which things I would prefer to keep to myself. Then it is simply a case of finding the "who" to go with the "what".

And it won't always be the same person, I think that is quite an important point. Sure you might do the majority of things with a particular person but everyone needs space and time to make their experiences and memories in the way that feels right to them. 

Every day gives us the opportunity to enrich our lives and to add another "notch" to the belt of life experiences. They are the things which I think life is truly about when all is said and done. And you probably have less time than you realise right now to go and make those things happen.

So tomorrow pick something you want to do, and someone to do it with, and go generate those memories. 

Till next time,

DT

Broken clock

Is there any way of getting my body clock repaired so it is working properly again?! 

My typical day consists of waking up at 4am, 5am and 6am, but then sleeping through till about 8am. I then realise it is pointless leaving for work as I'll get stuck in traffic so I eventually rock up about 9am if I'm lucky. The morning passes reasonably quickly until about 11:30 when the day begins to drag. The next hour takes three hours and then the lunch hour takes 25 minutes.

Post lunch drags horribly until about 4pm, usually with some vague attempt by body to get me to go for a nap. Around 4pm I'm suddenly ridiculously productive and the next three hours whizz by in a haze of "getting loads done" before I get turfed out of the building around 7pm. I then usually having something planned in the evening so generally by the time I have done that and eaten it is around 10pm. 

I have a massive yawn and then, once again, my body has another injection of energy and I lie in my bed until about 2am trying various methods of making myself go to sleep such as reading, writing blogs and counting small fluffy clouds with legs. About 2am I finally drift off only to be woken again at 4am - and the cycle begins again.

THIS IS NOT NORMAL!!!!! Please help :-D

Till next time,

DT