Well Challenge #11 is in the books. The Mighty Deerstalker is complete, but at some cost it seems. Three of the four team members are nursing sprained ankles and there is a general feeling of soreness and exhaustion throughout. Check out the review of the event here.
This one was tough. Physically it was hard work, 16km of terrain covered with over 500m of climb. Very little of the path was navigable at any speed due to the mud build up and the amount of rocks strewn across the MTB trails. Add into the fact that there were 6 or 7 dips into the water and it was all done with only the light from your head torch and you begin to realise what a tough challenge this was.
But it was the mental and psychological aspects of this which have left a mark, this was the deepest I have ever had to dig and I have to be honest and say that there was not much left in the tank mentally by the end. The initial stages were OK but it became apparent that every step would require concentration and thought, the twin aspects of tight paths and very little light made this very different from "normal" runs.
I managed to roll my ankle after about 3km and it didn't look good for a while. Thankfully I found an ambulance and, after 20 minutes of treatment, I managed to continue. It was torture from there, the next section was essentially flush downhill but I couldn't trust myself to descend at speed. There was no-one else around me so it was me against the forest. I was seeing things, hearing things and all the time trying to keep moving.
It seems so silly now but I was really struggling at this point and my mental state was "heightened" to say the least. Thankfully I managed to get myself down and back on to the flatter terrain for a bit. Everything was sore at this point but it is only physical pain so I'm pretty accomplished at sucking that up and moving on!
The next problem came up the second hill, and this is where it got really tricky. The second hill was essentially a rock climb. It was pitch black apart from my head torch, I have a fear of heights and I was already physically exhausted. I managed to get myself 20m up, then fell. I picked myself up and went again. I got 15m up this time, then fell again.
It all went wrong very quickly from this point. I have never before experienced paralysis due to fear but that is precisely what happened now. I have always considered myself reasonably strong mentally but I was shot by this point.
Looking back now it seems pathetic but in the dark, all alone and halfway up that hill I was genuinely in serious trouble. I was petrified and I don't remember a great deal of what was going through my head, except I couldn't go up or down. Fear swept over me and I froze. I lay on the scree for FORTY FIVE minutes unable to move. Panic like I have never known it.
It was a horrible experience and I don't know even now what it was that made me able to move and start back up again. I don't even think it was a conscious decision but I finally made it up and the view from the top was worth it. But WOW, it was an absolutely horrendous experience and I hope it is one I never have to go through again.
I have never really been outside my comfort zone but halfway up that hill I experienced something which I never thought I would. I was pushed so close to my mental and psychological limit. I always though my physical limits would be the ones that would be tested and stretched but they gave way spectacularly to my mental ones last night.
Looking back now I know I had nothing to worry about and I was being over dramatic but, at the time, the combination of everything really got inside my head and pushed my somewhere I didn't know I could go. I can look at the positives and the fact that I managed to get myself through it and finish the race.
But it tells me that I have a long way to go and I still have many mental hurdles to overcome. I was disappointed that I reacted in the way I did but it has shown me that I have limits and that I have to make sure I am aware of them and learn how to control what I can control. I learnt things about my "inner workings" that scared me but also things that I know I can build on and use to allow me to manage myself and my condition better.
Today's #randomfactoftheday - The longest foot race in the world is the Self-Transcendence 3100 Mile Run
Today's #badjokeoftheday - Courtesy of Charlie the nephew. Q: What do polar bears do in their spare time? A: Chill out
Today's #websiteoftheday - The Self-Transcendence 3100 Mile Run. Nuts (http://www.3100.ws/)
On this day; 1912, Lawrence Oates leaves his tent in Antartica. His final words, "I'm just going outside and I may be some time".
Till tomorrow,
DT
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